


My Heart Remembers

by romioneB



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Malfoy Manor (Harry Potter), Not Canon Compliant - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Shell Cottage (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:40:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28236330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romioneB/pseuds/romioneB
Summary: Something terrible happens. Hearts are broken. Love is lost. Can they come back together in the end? (a romione fic) (TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR FIRST CHAPTER)
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 100
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning. Although this story is primarily a love/drama story, the first chapter is DARK. It contains both violence and rape. I STRONGLY encourage you not to read if this triggers you. After the first chapter, nothing graphic happens (except perhaps smut but that’s normal for me)
> 
> I was literally wincing while writing this chapter and in my opinion it’s hard to read. I have my reasons for making this happen that will become more apparent in later chapters. I’m going to go out on a limb here and post the first chapter even though this story is not finished. I do have the summary of each chapter written, but I’m not sure when it will be finished although I promise to never start a story and not finish it. My goal will be to post a chapter a week so we’ll see how that goes as I’ve never done this before.
> 
> I personally do not condone any sexual violence or sex/sexual acts without consent. I tried to make it realistic, as the death eaters in the books I’m sure were toned down due to the primary young adult audience but in reality I can imagine that some were more capable of more atrocious acts such as sexual violence etc.
> 
> This story starts out, in my opinion kind of rushed, as it starts out pretty much the same as a mixture of in the books/movies and I didn't feel the need to go into so much detail as obviously people already know what happens, but hang in there.
> 
> Again, I will put a WARNING for this first chapter. Read at your own risk.

Ron Weasley had never felt so scared in his life, his concern for his best mate and the girl that he secretly loved was overpowering him as he felt helpless in their current situation.

He thought back to just a few weeks ago, when he had found them again. He remembered the feeling of absolute joy that they were both okay and that he was with them once more, along with the incredible guilt he had for leaving in the first place. He had sworn to himself to not let anything else happen to them, and he had already failed at just that.

Although he had had a brief run in with them when he had left, they had as a whole been able to avoid snatchers. But now they had been seen, and after a chase they had been caught as there had been too many of them. He knew that being captured wasn't exactly his fault. Harry had been the one to say Voldemort's name and therefore making them traceable but still, he felt an incredible amount of inadequacy watching Harry and Hermione in the arms of the roguish men.

He watched a grimy snatcher lift Hermione off of the ground and with desperation pounding in his veins, he yelled out "Don't touch her!" only to get a punch in the gut from Greyback. He doubled over, the pain intense, but not as painful as knowing that _she_ was in danger.

He decided to keep quiet, hoping that the thick-headed men would not figure out just who they had captured. Harry's face had been disfigured and Ron was sure that it had been Hermione's doing as only she would be able to think of something like that so quickly.

The men started questioning them. He felt like he was going to vomit watching the way that they were ogling Hermione, especially the long-haired man who appeared to be their leader. The adrenaline was making words hard to understand, even as he tried to listen to the conversations going on around him. He did not miss though, when the men had realized that it was Harry Potter that they had caught. The only thing he could feel then was dread as they decided to take them straight to Voldemort at Malfoy Manor.

When they reached their destination, the dread only intensified as they were then face to face with Bellatrix Lestrange. Ron had heard and also seen first hand how demented the witch could be. He knew that she was Voldemort's most loyal follower, and in some ways she scared him more than even Voldemort did. He bit his lip, trying to keep himself from being sick. They were all done for. This war was over. They had lost. He stared at Hermione, being held roughly beside him as they were led into the mansion.

He was going to die. _She_ was going to die. He felt absolutely pathetic knowing that they would die without her knowing how he felt about her. He tried to catch her eye, but she stared straight ahead, her eyes hard and determined. He could tell that she was trying to think up a way out of their situation. She wasn't giving up. He took a deep breath. If she wasn't giving up, he wouldn't either, no matter how slim their chances of living were.

Once in, he watched as they were interrogating Draco Malfoy about the identity of Harry. Draco _had_ to know that it was Harry. He knew Ron and Hermione, knew that Harry would be with them, and yet Draco just seemed mildly annoyed by the whole thing, claiming that he didn't know who Harry was. This confused Ron and for the first time in his life, he was grateful to the miserable ferret.

He didn't have too much time to think about it as Bellatrix suddenly went ballistic when she spotted one of the snatchers holding the sword of Gryffindor. She started to attack the snatchers and they quickly fled the manor for their safety. Seeing her like this concreted the fact to Ron that they were at the mercy of a mad woman. She was absolutely terrifying and Ron wanted to put himself in between her and his friends.

With the blood pounding in his ears, he heard Bellatrix say the words "Take them to the cellar...leave the mudblood." His head snapped up and in vain he tried to get to Hermione.

"NO! LEAVE ME!" He shouted desperately, but his request was ignored as Greyback dragged him and Harry off. He only got a glimpse of Hermione's terrified face before they were roughly led down stairs then through a door and thrown onto the stone ground. The large barred door was closed and locked, leaving them trapped.

From above them he heard Bellatrix shout "CRUCIO!" and then the screams started. Oh, in all of his life, he had never felt the way he felt as he heard them. Sobbing and screaming and pounding his fists into the stone walls, he _knew_ that there was no way that he'd be able to get out, but he still needed to try. He screamed her name over and over as her screams kept coming from above, every second more agonizing than the last.

He was vaguely aware of others in the cellar, among them Luna Lovegood, but he really couldn't give a rats ass. All that mattered was Hermione and those agonizing screams that felt like they were breaking him apart.

Suddenly he heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and he lunged towards the door, not caring who or why someone was coming, just knowing that he would gladly fight with his life to get up to where she was. The door was unlocked with a click and Wormtail walked in with his wand raised. Ron went to tackle him, only to be pushed back with a shield charm.

"LET HER _GO_ YOU TRAITOR SCUM!" he screamed out, his body tense as he stood tall, ready to fight for the chance to get up there with Hermione.

It turned out that wasn't necessary. "Ginger. Come with me." Wormtail sneered at Ron, his wand pointed straight at his forehead.

Ron immediately stood down and allowed Wormtail to lead him up the stairs. The death eater's wand was still being held at his temple but at that point he had no fear for himself, he only wanted to get to her, panic now clutching at him with the realization that all had gone silent above them.

They quickly made their way up and when he saw her he gave a strangled shout at the sight of her still body on the cold stone floor. Not caring to know what they wanted of him, he ran to her, getting on his knees and checking if she was still breathing. To his immense relief, he found that she was.

She looked dazed and barely conscious, every breath seeming to be painful. He saw that the word 'mudblood' had been carved into her arm and his blood boiled. Her half-opened eyes looked up at him, recognition opening them wider.

"Ron." was all that she said before he pulled her onto his lap, his arms encircling her as if to protect her from the others in the room who were currently doing nothing except standing there watching them silently.

He knew that this had to be some kind of trick, this was too easy. They had brought him up for a reason, and it wasn't a good one. His arms tightened around Hermione even more. Let them hurt him, just leave her alone.

Bellatrix was the first to speak and she did so in a calm and icy demeanor. "So tell me now, _blood traitor_. The mudblood is not telling me the truth! _Where_ did you get the sword of Gryffindor?" she snarled.

Ice ran through his veins. He looked up into her eyes. Eyes that he found were the epitome of both evil and insanity. "We found it. It presented itself to us. We don't know more than tha-"

"FILTHY FUCKING LIAR!" She screeched. Her body rigid as she practically panted. "I CAN KILL HER! JUST LIKE _THAT,_ AND YOUR PRETTY LITTLE MUDBLOOD WILL BE NO MORE THAN VULTURE FOOD!"

"No." He cried in a small voice. "She's innocent, she's-"

Bellatrix leaned over and slapped him across the face, her ring scratching him but he could hardly feel it. "THIS IS POINTLESS!" she screamed, enraged.

She started pacing and talking to the others in the room. "We can't alert the Dark Lord until we have this straightened out..we need to know _how_ they got into my vault and what else has been taken. We also need to be positive that it _is_ Potter we've got." She stopped pacing, her eyes locked on Ron's huddled form around Hermione.

"So...while we wait for the little shite's face to clear up, let's get to the truth...and also have a little fun!" A grin spread on her face, not fully masking the fury that still lingered in her eyes.

His arms tightened around Hermione, shielding her from whatever Bellatrix was planning to do. Bellatrix grinned at the action as she pointed her wand at him.

Almost immediately he could feel something was dreadfully wrong with his body. His brain was still all him, but his body felt foreign and almost numb, as if it were asleep. Bellatrix still had the sadistic grin on her face, but no words were coming out of her mouth. Her body stood still as her wand pointed at him, her mind obviously in deep concentration.

 _WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!_ He tried to shout out, but no sound left him, his mouth hadn't even twitched when he had tried to use it. He realized with a sickening twist in his gut that he was completely under her control. He had been under the imperius curse before, back in fourth year, but this wasn't the same thing...it was worse.

His arms released Hermione and he promptly stood up, her body sliding off him with a small thud on the hard floor. He stared down at her, her eyes widening with realization that something was wrong with him.

He desperately tried to get back down to where he had just been, to grab her in his arms and protect her. He willed his body to do so, but to his horror, instead his leg pulled back and kicked her, hard.

 _NO!_ He screamed, his voice echoing inside of his head.

She let out a yelp of pain as his boot came into contact with her thigh. Inside his head, he was still screaming; horrified, but his outside demeanor was stone cold as his leg pulled back again, this time coming back to kick her even harder in the side. He heard something crack and realized that he had most likely broken one of her ribs. Her scream echoed in the large room, and she curled up into herself, her body shaking.

He felt the same way that he had down in the cellar only this time, his frantic cries were only in his head. He was trapped inside his own mind and unable to do a damn thing about it. He still felt the same desperation and need to stop her pain, but this time he was the one causing it. In his mind he was screaming and cursing and trying with all of his might to escape the spell that was on him, all to no avail.

Roughly he reached down and grabbed a handful of her hair, lifting her up a few feet as she weakly grabbed at his wrist, her face scrunched up in pain. He dragged her a few feet towards Bellatrix's still-standing form and threw her harshly back to the floor, knocking the breath out of her. The evil witch obviously wanted a better view, he watched her grin, her eyes full of giddy mischief.

Ron then bent down next to Hermione's crumpled form and pulled his arm back and swiftly backhanded her across the face. She cried out, her cheek instantly turning scarlet, her eyes rolling up in her head before she found her focus again, staring at him.

"Ron." she croaked out. The pair of eyes that he treasured most in this world were looking at him as if he was her worst nightmare. Tears were streaming down her face, and she was hyperventilating in what looked like pain and fear. _Everything_ in him wanted to stop, but he knew he was just as much a prisoner as she was at that moment.

Narcissa Malfoy apparently had had enough. "Bella is this necessary?" She asked her sister timidly.

"SILENCE!" Bellatrix shouted, clearly annoyed at her sister's attempt to ruin her fun.

Narcissa stepped back. "I refuse to sit around and watch this." She stated haughtily. "Come Draco." The two Malfoys walked out of the room, soon after followed by Lucious as he too seemingly didn't want to watch.

Bellatrix didn't seem bothered at all by their departure, her concentration still on the spell that she was casting.

Ron kneeled down next to Hermione, his hands shooting out and grabbing her breasts, squeezing them tightly in his large hands. His grip got tighter and tighter until she let out a piercing scream. Bellatrix giggled delightfully as he let go of her and leaned in towards her gasping mouth, taking her bottom lip in between his teeth and biting down until he tasted blood and then biting down some more. She moaned loudly with pain, still obviously weak from the cruciatus and the injuries he had caused. She grabbed his arms and tried to push him away, but her strength seemed to be almost gone and he didn't so much as budge. He let go of her lip and sat back before reaching down to the button of her jeans.

" _No. no no no."_ He thought as he roughly undid the button and then pulled down her zipper.

Panic showed on her face when she realized what he was doing, and her hands went to his trying to stop him. "Ron. Please. Fight it. Come back." Her voice was hoarse and weak.

_I'm trying Hermione. I'm fucking trying!_

_This_ was what hell was like he thought. She was pleading with him; but to her, the words fell on deaf ears. He fiercely wanted to tell her that he _was_ there and that he was trying but it was no use.

She had managed to pull some strength from desperation, but against him there was no competition. He pulled her jeans and knickers down her legs, noticing the large bruise that was starting to form on her thigh. He bunched them down at her ankles, not removing them completely. He climbed over her, and watched her terrified face as he reached down and undid his belt and trousers, freeing the erection that he had no control over.

" _Please just kill me. I can't do this, I WON'T do this! Oh my god. no."_

It was not supposed to be like this. _Never_ like this.

She was gripping onto his shoulders now, no longer fighting because it was obvious that it wouldn't make a difference. He settled his body between her legs as he felt her body tense up, knowing what was going to happen next. He could sense the fear radiating off of her and it was destroying him.

He was the one who was supposed to _protect_ her; but now he was the one she should be protected from. She looked at him pleadingly one last time before her eyes shut tight and she pressed her lips together. Her breathing was still ragged, and he could tell that she was on the verge of giving up her fight to stay conscious.

He grabbed her hip tightly with one hand, his fingernails digging into her skin, her bone protruding from being malnourished during the horcrux hunt. His other hand went flat against the floor next to her head as he rubbed himself against her and she let out a shaky gasp. He quickly aligned himself and with a grunt, he thrust roughly into her body. She let out a loud whimper of pain, her eyes shutting even tighter. He pulled back and slammed into her again.

" _STOP IT! Oh my god, STOP PLEASE!_ " he yelled, but of course nobody could hear him, and he wasn't stopping.

Tears started pouring out of her still-shut eyes as he relentlessly pounded into her; the sounds of slapping skin, small whimpers, and Bellatrix's giggling filling the air. Hermione opened her eyes to look at him again, her face full of pain. " _Ron, please."_ she whimpered, barely audible.

" _I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Hermione._ " He sobbed.

A few more thrusts and he spilled himself into her, but there was nothing pleasurable about _this._ He was absolutely sickened. He hovered over her, breathing heavy, as she broke out in quiet sobs underneath him.

_What had just happened? What the hell had he just done?_

He quickly adjusted himself back in his pants before leaning back. He took a deep breath, and slowly he felt the weight of the spell leave him.

As he came back to himself, he sat there stunned and unable to move. Slowly he turned to look at Hermione. He took in the sight of her mostly naked lower body and saw the small amount of blood that was smeared on the inside of her thighs.

He threw his body sideways, barely catching himself with his hands before retching violently onto the floor. His stomach hadn't been very full so not much came out, but he didn't stop as dry heaves continued for several long moments even after he was done.

Bellatrix walked up beside him, impatiently vanishing away the vomit with a sound of disgust.

His head slowly lifted up, finding her with a self-satisfied smirk on her face. Hate for her poured out of him, his face twisting in rage as he screamed out. "YOU EVIL SADISTIC FUCKING BITCH! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

She cackled gleefully at his outburst. "Honestly I did you a favor! She obviously wasn't letting you get into her knickers. You _should_ be thanking me!"

He let out a roar as he stood up and lunged himself towards her. With a hard slash of her wand, he was knocked backwards onto the floor, his head hitting the cold tile and pain radiating behind his eyes.

He pulled himself to a sitting position as he opened his eyes and saw Hermione still lying there. Forgetting Bellatrix, he scrambled towards the girl on the floor. Her jeans and knickers were still pooled at her ankles, and he started to pull them up. She looked at him; misunderstanding what he was doing and frantically tried in vain to kick him away. " _N-n-no"_ She moaned.

"Hermione, _please_. I-I'm trying to help. Let me get you dressed ok? H-help me." He tried to restrain the sobs that were trying to get through, wanting to sound as gentle as he could. "I won't look ok? Just let me help you." His voice sounding as though he was reassuring a small child.

She stopped fighting and he quickly but gently pulled up her jeans and re-dressed her.

Meanwhile, Bellatrix had lost her patience, bored now of the show. "ENOUGH OF THIS! WHERE DID YOU GET THE SWORD BOY?!"

Ron knew that no words or assurances that they had just found it would work with her. He stood up, putting himself in between the standing witch, and the one on the floor.

He answered her, his voice low and clear. "We have already told you everything. I won't repeat myself. Apparently you're too fucking _stupid_ to see that we aren't lying to you." His eyes locked on hers, hate filling his every word.

"AAAGHHH" She screeched; her wand pointed at him again and his body was now frozen, rooted to the spot. He could only watch as she then turned her wand to Hermione's barely moving form. "CRUCIO!"

Hermione's screams filled the air once again, her back arching up, as if trying to escape the pain. He watched the veins jutting out on her neck, her face turning purple. Her arms and legs were twitching as if she was being electrocuted.

Bellatrix, looking like a mad woman walked closer to the writhing girl, wand held out menacingly. He had heard her screams from the cellar, but being only feet away while it was happening was much worse. He felt like _he_ was on fire, her screams sending jolts of pain straight through him. He would do anything... _anything_ to stop it.

But he didn't have to. Although the spell was still happening, Hermione's screams had abruptly stopped, her body still writhing and twitching as she lay there, unconscious.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Whew. Please let me know how well this was received and if it was ‘too much’ and if you want more or not.

I can almost guarantee that this will be the darkest I will ever write as I normally post much more positive/happy stories.

The next chapter will be very sad, but as I said before, nothing else graphic in this fic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already had this chapter mostly finished so am posting it earlier than expected.

“Hurry-the-FUCK UP!” Ron bellowed at the closed door. 

They had escaped. By some miracle, Dobby had shown up and had been able to apparate them all to Shell Cottage where Bill and Fleur lived. He wasn’t sure how it all had happened as it had happened so fast and his only focal point had been getting Hermione to safety. 

Only moments after Hermione had passed out, Harry had come up the stairs, stunning Bellatrix and Greyback before throwing Ron a wand and screaming for him to go. Ron had told Harry to get to Shell Cottage, and had grabbed Hermione and apparated away as Harry had gone back down to the cellar with Dobby to get the others.

Then Ron had apparated to the beach near his brother and sister-in-laws house and had run to their home as fast as he dared while holding Hermione’s frail body, not wanting to hurt her any more than she already was. 

After his initial shock of seeing his youngest brother holding a very injured Hermione, Bill had quickly taken her from him and put her in a bedroom where Fleur had instantly followed to examine her. Ron had managed to get out a few words, letting them know that she had been tortured and that she had been hit by the cruciatus curse many times. Fleur had then ordered Ron and Bill to wait outside the room while she had started to hastily undress Hermione’s still form. Both brothers had gone out into the hallway and had been there for several minutes. Ron was quickly losing his cool while waiting. He was frantically pacing back and forth in front of the closed door, muttering and breathing heavily. The fear of not knowing was overwhelming him.

Bill grabbed him, placing his hands on Ron’s shoulders and started talking quietly and reassuringly to him. “Ron, you've got to calm down. I can promise you that Fleur will do the best by Hermione.”

Ron had always looked up to Bill and in any other situation he would have tried to compose himself, not wanting to look pathetic in front of his older brother; but seeing Bill's concerned and slightly panicked face in front of him, he finally lost it. He backed up into the wall, and slid down until he was sitting down, his face in his knees and broke down, sobbing hysterically. 

Bill knelt down in front of him. “Ron, what happened? Who did this to her?” he gently coaxed.

Ron shook his head. How could he even begin to explain all that had happened? It seemed like a bad dream. No. A fucking nightmare. Even if he had wanted to talk though, no words were coming, only hard sobs that he was trying in vain to stop. He needed to get hold of himself; this wasn't about him, it was about Hermione. He had to be strong for her. If she was even still alive; she had been so limp and pale in his arms he had wondered if she was still breathing even before they had reached the house.

Bill seemed to understand that Ron wasn't able to talk, so he sat down beside him, awkwardly rubbing his back until his sobs slowed down and he was only sniffling every few seconds.

“Harry and others are coming too. Or they're already here. I don’t know.” He managed to say.

The bedroom door knob started to turn, and Ron jumped up so fast that he accidentally hit Bill in the side of the head.

Fleur slowly walked out. She had recently been crying; her face was dry but there were visible tear tracks that hadn't been there before. She locked eyes with her husband, shaking her head as if horror struck. 

Ron hastily pushed past her and went into the room. Hermione was on the bed; the sheet pulled up to under her armpits. Fleur had taken off her clothes and she was wearing some sort of spaghetti- strap nightgown. He could see the tops of her breasts and they were heavily bruised. Her face and lip were swollen and bruised but had been healed some by what he assumed was dittany as there were no open wounds anymore. She was breathing, but she looked horrible and Ron felt both faint at her appearance and relief that she was alive.

After a few minutes of hushed talking with his wife, Bill walked into the room. “Ron...we need to know what happened. She is in pretty bad shape.”

Ron swung around, “Is she going to die?” he asked, looking at both of them.

There was a long pause. “Physically, Fleur thinks she will be alright with time. Mentally though...we can’t know yet. The cruciatus curse...it can really damage the brain...” Bill’s voice was quiet as he stepped up next to Ron and looked down at Hermione. “Ron. Who did this?”

Ron’s lip trembled. “B-Bellatrix.” 

Bill sighed and closed his eyes. Everyone in the Order knew what Bellatrix was capable of.

“Ron. There’s something else. I don’t know if you know this…”

Ron squeezed his eyes shut tight and slowly shook his head back and forth as if to block out the words.

“Fleur says that there’s strong evidence that Hermione was...raped.”

“I know.” he rasped out, unable to look at his older brother.

“sonofabitch.” Bill muttered under his breath. “Fleur already gave her a potion that should help prevent pregnancy...after the fact.” Ron realized that the thought of pregnancy had not once crossed his mind. 

Just then, Harry approached the doorway, looking in frantically behind them at Hermione on the bed.

“She’s alive.” Bill quickly assured him.

Harry let out a loud breath of relief, then looked at Ron with sorrow in his face. “Dobby didn’t make it.”

“What happened?” Ron heard Bill ask.

“Bellatrix got up and started chasing me down into the cellar and when she realized that we all were about to apparate, she threw her knife. It hit Dobby in the chest. There was nothing that I could do.”

Ron felt a small wave of sadness run over him for the little elf that he had always had a fondness for. If it hadn’t been for Dobby, they all would most likely be dead. Hermione surely would be. However, Ron’s sadness for the loss of Dobby was overshadowed with worry and guilt over Hermione. Harry had walked over to stand next to him and they both stood next to the bed, looking down at her.

“She doesn’t look good at all.” Harry choked out, kneeling down beside the bed and gingerly putting his hand over hers.

Ron knelt down next to Harry, and lightly sweeped the hair from Hermione’s pale and sweaty face. “When will she wake up?” He asked Bill, who was still standing behind them. Fleur had obviously gone to check on the others as she was no longer in the room.

“Fleur gave her some sleeping potion. She needs some time to heal. Possibly tomorrow we will let her wake up. Then we can really access the damage.” He paused. “I don’t want to alarm you both, but it doesn’t...look good. You need to prepare yourselves for the possibility that she will no longer be the same mentally.”

Harry’s head bent down to the mattress, silently crying while Ron stood up and faced Bill.

”Don’t you dare say that!” he spit out. 

No way was he going to entertain the thought. “She.will.be.fine.” He glared at his brother, challenging him to say otherwise. 

Bill looked at him sadly, seeming to understand Ron’s reaction to his words. ”I’m going to check on the others. I'll go and give you some privacy.” and he turned around and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Harry’s head was still down on the mattress. “This is all my fault.” he cried, his voice coming out muffled. “I said his name. They found us because of me.”

The rock in Ron’s chest got heavier. “It’s not Harry. You're not the one who..who..” he was unable to finish the sentence, his breathing becoming frantic, like he wasn't able to get enough air into his lungs. He closed his eyes and was able to compose himself.

Harry lifted his head, looking intently at him. “Ron, what happened when they brought you up the stairs? What did you see?”

Ron shook his head, tears had started pouring out of his eyes at the question. He knew that he had to tell Harry the truth. “Bellatrix sh-she put me under some form of the im-imperius curse I think. I’m n-not sure what it was. I couldn't f-fight it. She m-made me hurt Her-Hermione.” he sobbed. “I beat her and r-raped her Harry.” Harry looked at him with a horrified expression. “It was l-like I was Bellatrix’s goddamn p-puppet. And Hermione, sh-she told me to stop, but I couldn’t fucking st-stop.” He put his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking, unable to say anything else.

He felt Harry come closer, and didn’t protest when Harry hesitantly pulled him into his arms, leaning Ron into his chest.”Ron. Listen to me. You did  _ not _ hurt Hermione.  _ Bellatrix  _ hurt Hermione. She just used you to do the job. You cannot blame yourself. Hermione will understand Ron, it was  _ not  _ you.”

Ron tried to control himself. “Y-you didn’t see the way that she looked at m-me.” He sniffed, leaning away from Harry. He then slumped slightly forward onto the mattress, doing so carefully as not to disturb Hermione.

They stayed there for what seemed like a long time, both boys looking over their friend, neither of them speaking.

They turned their heads when they heard a soft knock on the door followed by Luna popping her head in the room. “They have dinner ready, if you two want to come down. Or I can bring it up here if that’s what you need.” she said in her whimsical voice.

Harry looked to Ron, who shook his head. “I’m not hungry, and I’m not leaving. You go ahead Harry.”

“I can stay if you need me to, mate.” he stated, sadly eying both of his best friends.

“No, go. There’s no reason that we both need to be here. She’s not going to wake up tonight. I’ll stay with her.”

Harry nodded and slowly rose up off the floor, joining Luna in the doorway. “Let me know if you need anything ok?”

Ron didn’t reply, his eyes returning to the witch on the bed.

With a sigh, Harry left and quietly closed the door behind him.

Ron sat there for what seemed like hours, staring at Hermione's sleeping form. He found comfort in the way that her chest kept rising and falling, signalling to him that she was alive. 

He must have dozed off at one point, because he woke up to Bill slightly nudging him awake. 

"Ron, come on. You have to lay down. You can’t sleep like this, you’ll strain your neck." He tried to lift Ron up from his position of still kneeling on the ground, his head on the bed.

Ron easily jerked away from his grasp. "No! I'm not fucking leaving her!" 

Bill gave him a knowing look. "Of course not. I set this up for you here.” He gestured his hand back and Ron turned and looked behind him. There was a sleeping bag set out on the carpet next to the bed. “I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do at the moment.”

“Thanks.” he muttered, a little ashamed at how rude he had been.

"Goodnight. Let me know if you need anything." Bill spoke, before closing the door behind him. 

Ron, still kneeling by the bed, ignored the sleeping bag and once again drifted off as he watched Hermione sleep.

____________________________________

The bright sunlight woke him up and he put his hands over his tired eyes, trying to block it out. He stood up shakily, his body protesting the movement from the uncomfortable position that he had been in all night. He hastily pulled the curtains shut, not wanting to disturb Hermione, who had obviously not moved a muscle all night.

As he was making his way back to her, the door opened and Fleur came in holding a tray of various potions on it.

“Good. You are awake. You can help me give her zeeze potions.”

She had him gently lift Hermione’s head and tip it back, opening her mouth so Fleur could slowly pour the potions down her throat. 

As she gave the potions, she explained to Ron what each potion was for. One was for keeping her asleep and making her not have any dreams. One was for pain. Fleur explained that even though she was asleep, she might still be able to feel pain so it was just in case. One was skele-gro for her broken bones. She told him that when she had examined Hermione yesterday she had found two broken ribs, a fractured ankle, and three broken fingers. Ron held back tears thinking of the level of pain that she must have felt. The last potion bottle was just for an overall healing.

When they were done, Fleur offered to bring him some breakfast. He declined, adamantly stating that he wasn’t going to eat if she didn’t get to. Fleur accepted this and went on her way, seemingly not wanting to argue the point.

Harry came in not long after with a plate of food, trying to urge him to eat.

“You're not doing her any favors by not taking care of yourself you know.”

“I’m not eating. I’m also not the one who needs taken care of. She is.”

“Ron. Just eat something. You need strength. She’s going to need you to be strong for her when she wakes up.”

Ron glared at him but snatched a cold piece of toast off of the plate and took a bite. “Happy now?”

“Slightly better. Another thing that we need to discuss. You need to take a shower, you look awful.”

“I don’t  _ care _ what I look like. And I’m not leaving her. I keep saying those fucking words but apparently nobody is listening.” he growled.

Harry ignored his words. “They want to try and wake her up this afternoon, and when she wakes up, you need to look like you haven't just been in a battle. You have dried blood on your chin, you're dirty as hell, and so are your clothes. You’ll scare her looking like that.”

Ron reached his hand up to his chin and felt the dried blood that he hadn’t realized was there. He looked down at Hermione’s bruised lip. Although dittany had closed the holes his teeth had made, it was obvious what had caused her injury. 

He turned to Harry. “10 minutes. You stay here. Do not leave her alone for one bloody second, understand?”

Harry sat down on top of the un-used sleeping bag. “I’m not going to go anywhere, don’t worry.” He paused. “I love her too, you know.” He added quietly.

“Not like I do.” Ron snapped. He had never outright admitted to his feelings for Hermione but he had always had a suspicion that Harry knew anyway.

“No. Of course not. You know that Ron.” Harry said earnestly.

Ron sighed. “I know. I’m sorry Harry I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just...really hard right now...I’m not...doing well.” It took a lot for Ron to admit that fact to Harry, but he felt the need to confide in someone right then. "I just…feel so...so fucking  _ angry _ . Every thought that I have is being shadowed by this...rage. And when I close my eyes all I see is-" He stopped talking, sighing loudly and shaking his head.

“I don’t...I don’t really know what to say Ron. I guess all I can tell you is that whatever you are feeling...it’s understandable and you have every right to feel how you feel. I just...wish there was something I could do.”

Ron shook his head. “Me too mate, me too.”

Harry gave him a grim smile. “Fleur left some clean clothes on the bathroom counter. Everything you need is in there.”

Ron nodded and gave one last look at Hermione before walking out of the room. 

Once in the bathroom, he glanced at himself in the mirror and immediately wished that he hadn't. Not only was her blood on his chin, it had run down to the underside of his jaw. His eyes were bloodshot and had bags under them. His face was pale and blotchy all over. 

He examined his cheek that had a small bruise with a cut on it from Bellatrix’s ring when she had slapped him. The thought of the horrid bitch made him start to shake in anger, he wanted nothing more for her to die a horrible death and vowed to make it happen as soon as possible. 

He used the bathroom and then jumped in the shower, cleaning himself quickly but effectively. Once out he got dressed in Bill’s t-shirt and pyjama bottoms that Fleur had picked for him. His hair still wet, he rushed down the hall back into the room with Harry and Hermione. 

She was just the same as she had been when he had left and Harry was still sitting on the sleeping bag, reading a copy of The Quibbler. He heaved a sigh of relief. 

Ron went back to kneeling by the bed. It wasn’t comfortable, but he still had the overwhelming need to watch over her just in case anything happened. 

He heard Harry leave the room, and turned to see him come in a few minutes later, two chairs hovering in front of him. Ron smiled gratefully and grabbed one of the chairs, sitting down.

The rest of the day went by slowly with absolutely nothing happening. Around six in the evening, Fleur came by with some more potions. There were only two bottles this time and she explained to both Ron and Harry that she wasn’t going to give Hermione any more sleeping potion. She didn’t seem sure on when Hermione would wake up, but s

aid it would be on her own time, and they would just have to be patient. 

The waiting and the not knowing was turning Ron into an anxious mess. It was hours later, and still she still had not stirred. He sat stoically by the bed, his hands gripping the chair handles and watched her, waiting for any signs that she would be waking up. Around midnight, he had finally used his deluminator to turn out the lights in the room so he wouldn’t disturb her and without realizing it, he fell asleep, still sitting in the chair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning. Sad chapter. This one was fun to write as it challenged me quite a bit. I'll give a bit of a warning for panic attacks.

An earth shattering scream startled Ron awake. He instantly clicked the deluminator that was still in his hand and light filled up the room. Hermione was sitting up in the bed, her eyes were wide and she had a terrified look on her face. He knew that she had no idea where she was and he quickly stood up, making his way to her to let her know that she was safe. When she saw him coming towards her, she screamed again and started kicking herself up towards the headboard of the bed, trying to get away from him.

He stepped back, his arms up. “Hermione, it's okay. You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you now.” But her screams, although growing hoarse, were still loud, drowning out his words.

The door flung open as Bill, Fleur and Harry rushed in. Harry got to the side of the bed first and when Hermione spotted him, she shouted, “HARRY!” and threw herself into his arms, hanging onto him for dear life and loudly sobbing. Harry, half-asleep, sat down on the side of the bed and began gently stroking her hair, speaking reassuring words in her ear.

Ron’s heart was pounding, he had never wanted to hear her scream like that  _ ever _ again. 

After several minutes, Hermione lifted her head to look up at Harry. “Where are we?” she asked him, her voice raspy.

“Shell cottage. Bill and Fleur's place. We are safe. And we’ve all been so worried about you. But merlin, you’re okay.” his face absolutely beamed as he smiled down at her.”

Ron watched as she sat back from Harry’s chest and slowly started to look around the room. When her eyes met Ron’s she gave a small cry, tightening her hold on Harry and ducking her head into his chest as if to hide.

Ron's heart went from pounding to feeling like it had stopped in his chest. He barely noticed the bewildered faces that Bill and Fleur were giving him as he slowly backed away. He got to the open door and stepped sideways into the hallway feeling like there was a knife in his gut. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes and tried to control his laboured breathing. He had known that it wasn’t going to be easy, but her reaction to him hurt him far more than he could have imagined.

What the fuck had he expected though? Had he thought that she would just run into his arms with happiness? That she would just  _ forget _ ? The fact was that he hadn’t allowed himself to  _ really _ think about the repercussions of what had happened. He had mainly been focusing on the fact that she was alive and desperately hoping that she would wake up with no permanent damage.

But he then realized that there  _ had been _ permanent damage. Maybe not in the sense that she didn't know who she was or what was going on around her (like the Longbottoms) But her trust and the way she now saw him had definitely been affected. How could it not be? He felt the rage in him start bubbling up and tried to fight it back down. This wasn't the time.

He listened in, the room was mostly quiet but he heard Hermione lightly crying. He then heard her ask Harry to stay with her and heard Harry reassure her that he would. 

He tried to not feel anger and jealousy at this. Except the times that they were rowing, Hermione had always ran to Ron rather than Harry for comfort, especially recently. He had held her after Sirius had been killed, then at Dumbledore's funeral, and then after she had obliviated her parents. 

Although he had of course hated the reasons, he had been glad that she had gone to  _ him _ rather than Harry. This had confirmed to him that her relationship with Harry was different than her relationship with him. 

He composed himself as Bill and Fleur quietly stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind them. Bill had a serious look on his face as he quickly silenced the door that Harry and Hermione were behind. Fleur gave Bill a knowing look and immediately walked back to their bedroom, giving Bill and Ron privacy. Once they were alone, Bill gave his youngest brother an intense stare. 

“Ron. Tell me. Did Bellatrix use magic to...make you hurt her?”

Ron could only stare at his older brother and plead with his eyes not to make him say it out loud.

“Damnit.” Bill exhaled and looked down. “It’s not the first time. Bellatrix was known for doing that back during the first war but I didn’t think-” He sighed. “I’m so sorry Ron. This isn’t...you shouldn't have to go through shite like this...you're so young and… _ fuck _ . Look, just give her time okay? She’ll come around. I know it’s hard-”

“You  _ don’t  _ know!” Ron bellowed. “You get to be the  _ hero _ to Fleur while _ I’m _ the monster to Hermione. She’ll  _ never  _ feel safe around me again!.” He groaned, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. 

Bill sighed. “I wish there were adequate words to say to you Ron, I really really do. But you need to know that you are not at fault at  _ all _ for what happened. Not one bit.”

“That doesn’t even matter does it?” He yelled, unable to keep his voice down. “I’m still going to deal with the repercussions of what happened! I’m still going to live with the memory of what I unwillingly did for the rest of my fucking life!” He tangled his hands in his hair, and again his breaths started coming fast and he felt like he wasn’t getting enough oxygen. 

He saw Bill’s face turn from sympathetic to concerned as he stared at him. “Ron are you okay?”

Ron could only shake his head, his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest and he was practically panting now.

“You need to try and calm down. Try and take deep breaths Ron.  _ Focus _ .”

Ron could only shake his head again at his brother. He was unable to take in a deep breath, and he was starting to feel faint.

Bill looked scared and confused as Ron only continued to get worse. He started clutching at his neck. It felt like someone was choking him. Ron watched as his elder brother took out his wand and pointed it towards him, and then all went black.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ron woke up the next morning in the bed that Harry had previously been using. He looked around but nobody else was in the room, the bed that Dean had been using was empty. 

He smelled the faint smell of breakfast foods and sat up. For the first time since they had arrived there, he realized how hungry he actually was. He walked out of the bedroom, looking out for other people but no one was around. He hesitantly walked past the room that Hermione had been in. The door was open and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the room was empty. That meant that Hermione was up and able to get around and the thought made him feel better.

He made his way towards the kitchen, stopping right before he got to the archway. He heard everyone talking and took a deep breath before walking in. He saw that everyone was at the table except for Griphook and Bill. He wouldn’t exactly call the atmosphere happy, but it was friendly enough, with people having quiet little one-on-one talks with each other. He saw Harry sitting next to Hermione, both of them eating and talking in hushed tones. Harry was the first to look up and see him. He gave Ron a tight smile, seemingly nervous. Hermione then followed Harry’s gaze and saw Ron standing there. He watched as she slightly tensed up before quickly looking back down at her plate, her hands going under the table.

He tried to ignore the way this made him feel and tried to focus on the positive. She had certainly reacted to him better than she had last night. Hopefully things would continue to get better. He desperately wanted to talk to her...well if he was being honest with himself he desperately wanted to take her in his arms and apologize and pour his heart out to her. To take away all of her pain..to never let her go. But he knew that wasn't going to happen.

He made his way to the counter to grab what was left of the food. There were no chairs left so he ate standing up, with Harry and Hermione’s backs towards him. He ate slowly and he watched as his two best friends finished their plates. He noticed that they were no longer talking, and Hermione in particular had seemed to start eating at a frenzied pace as if to finish as fast as she could. 

They quickly finished and Ron watched as Hermione quietly thanked Fleur for the breakfast as Fleur picked up their empty plates. They then stood up and started walking towards the stairs. Hermione pointedly did not look at Ron as they left, but Harry caught his eye and gave him a tentative smile that seemingly promised that they would talk later.

Ron finished his food and then helped Fleur clean up the kitchen, trying to occupy his time. He wasn’t quite sure what he should do as far as Hermione went, but once there was nothing left to help with he gingerly went to make his way back upstairs. He was stopped by Bill, who had just then walked in from outside. 

“Ron. Hey, how’re you feeling?” His brother asked him, his face curious and slightly guilty.

Ron didn’t really feel like talking but he knew that Bill was only asking because he cared. “I feel...better.” he replied truthfully.

“I’m sorry I had to pull my wand on you last night, but you were having a fit and I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Ron mumbled, embarrassed that it had come to that and that Bill had been there to witness it.

“You sure you’re feeling better?” Bill inquired.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m better.” He changed the subject. “I have a question though...about the um..the spell that Bellatrix used on me. It wasn’t like the imperius curse...I didn’t hear her voice in my head or anyth-”

Bill shook his head. “No, it wasn't the imperius curse. As far as I know it’s a spell that only a handful of death eaters knew and used back during the first war. Apparently one of them invented it and it was especially popular with Bellatrix.” his face hardened as he stared at the railing on the stairs.

“But then, why isn’t it an unforgivable? If it could control people like that, it should be one.” Ron was also starting to feel the rage creep up, but tried to keep it at bay so he could learn what Bill knew.”

“Well, like I said, as far as the ministry knows, only a few death eaters had ever used it, and after you-know-who was gone, the only ones who had known the spell were either dead or in Azkaban so the ministry felt like it was a non-issue.”

Ron didn’t respond. The conversation had left a bad taste in his mouth and he didn't want to talk anymore. Luckily Bill seemed to sense this and went on. “I'm going to go join Fleur on the couch. Catch you later ok?”

Ron nodded and turned around, slowly making his way up the stairs. Harry and Hermione were the only ones besides Griphook now that weren't either downstairs or outside. The weather was great and Luna and Dean had joined Ollivander on a walk down to the beach after breakfast and hadn’t yet returned.

Ron reached the closed door of Hermione’s room and hesitated. He didn’t know if he should knock, or just continue to go up to the room that he had slept in. He wanted...needed to see Hermione, but her reactions to him hadn’t been positive and he didn't want to push her. He heard voices coming from behind the door and couldn’t help but lean in to listen.

He heard Hermione speaking. “I know that. I  _ know.”  _ She sounded near tears and his heart fell. “It’s just..when I saw him last night...I was so... _ terrified _ . And then in the kitchen- my hands started shaking so bad that I had to put them under the table to hide them.” Her voice had become muffled and he assumed that Harry was hugging her.

“I’m so so sorry Hermione. This isn’t fair. For  _ either _ of you. I know that this is killing him too.”

“The thing is Harry, the rational part of me knows that it wasn’t his fault. I  _ know _ Ron would never hurt me like that. I trust Ron with my life. I just…” Ron could tell that she was openly crying now. “his eyes...they were so cold...and full of hate...for me. I look at him and that’s all I can see. I  _ hate _ it. I don’t want to hurt him Harry, I never want to hurt him.”

“Will you try talking to him?” Harry softly urged.

“I...yes. I need to. I’ll talk to him today.”

“Good. That’s good. He’s been beside himself Hermione. Aside from a ten minute shower that I forced him to take, he didn’t leave your side from the time you got here until the time you woke up.”

“I know you meant for that to make me feel better...but-but that makes me feel worse.” Hermione lightly sobbed.

“Damnit, I’m sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad...I just want...I just want things to be okay again you know?

“Things won’t be okay again Harry. At least not for me...I feel so broken...I..I-” she had apparently burst into tears again and Ron backed away from the door, unable to listen any longer. He made his way to the other bedroom and shut the door behind him. 

Once in, he cast a silencing and locking spell on the room, stood in the middle of the rug and  _ screamed. _ He screamed and screamed until his voice became hoarse, until his chest hurt. The rage, the hurt, he tried to get it all out. 

Spent, he lowered himself onto the floor, his energy almost gone. He was vaguely aware that at some point he had started crying again. He had never cried so much in his  _ life _ as he had in the last few days, would he ever stop?

He thought of Hermione in the room, finding comfort in Harry. He knew they didn't have any romantic feelings for eachother, the thought to him now was laughable. But  _ he _ wanted to be the source of her comfort,  _ he  _ wanted to be the one trying to make her feel better. Instead though, he was purposely staying away from her because he knew that was what she needed right now. 

The thought turned into a question as to how long would this go on? He had always wanted to be with her. He was so in love with her. He had always allowed himself the hopeful wish of a future where he finally was able to win her heart. Had that dream been ripped away from him too? 

Although he had for the most part stopped crying, he felt his heartbeat start to increase and his breathing start becoming laboured. 

_ Fuck fuck fuck. _

He shut his eyes tight, willing himself to think of something else, but when he did so he saw the image of Hermione crying underneath him. He quickly opened his eyes, focusing on the ceiling of the room.

It wasn’t working and he could feel himself starting to get worse. He knew he should go get someone to help, but he didn't want anyone to see him like this, and didn't even think he could get up even if he had wanted to. 

He thought about screaming for help, but remembered the silencing spell he had cast. Where  _ was _ his wand? He looked around him but didn't see it. 

He clutched at his chest. It was getting so hard to breathe. He curled up into a ball, holding himself tight, hoping it would pass. He watched as spots of black started popping up in his vision, growing larger and larger until there was the sweet bliss of nothing.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He woke up what seemed to be a few minutes later and rolled over, slowly sitting up. He heard knocking on the door and rushed to it, opening it to find Harry looking concerned. 

“I’ve been knocking for like a minute now. You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Sorry, I was…” he trailed off, not knowing what to say.

Harry’s brows furrowed. “You’re dripping sweat.”

Ron reached up to his forehead and found that he was. He watched as Harry’s eyebrows shot up, and he looked slightly disgusted. Ohmygod. Harry probably thought he had been  _ wanking _ . 

Ron cleared his throat. “What’s up?”

Harry’s face turned back to the concerned one that he had worn earlier. “Um..Hermione..she’s ready to talk.”

“She….okay?” Ron asked, already knowing the answer.

“She’s doing better.” Harry responded with fake cheerfulness.

“Alright. Let me grab my wand and then I’ll join you.”

“Thought you had just done that?” Harry asked, a small smirk on his face.

“Your assumption is wrong.” Ron snapped back, not feeling playful at all at the moment.

The smirk was instantly dropped from Harry’s face. “You werent..?”

“Of course not. You think I’m in the mood for that?”

“Sorry, I...that’s just what it looked like.”

“Yeah well I wasn't.” He bent down, grabbing his wand from under Dean’s bed where it must have rolled earlier.

“Why are you sweating like that?” Harry pressed.

“Doesn’t matter.” He used his wand to quickly dry his fringe. “Let’s go.” He walked past Harry, heading towards the room that Hermione was in. He lightly tapped on the door and then opened it slowly. 

She was sitting up on the bed, her lower body under the blanket. She was looking down at her hands in her lap. Her eyes slowly made their way up to his. She was nervously biting her lip, and he noticed her hands start to shake before she put them under the blanket.

“Hey.” he started, sitting down in one of the two chairs while Harry sat in the other.

“Hi.” she whispered, not looking directly at him.

“Hermione...I’m so fucking sorry. I-” 

“Don’t.” she cut him off, continuing in a shaky voice. “I know it wasn’t you Ron. You don’t have to apologize for something that you had no control over….we’re both victims here.”

Ron knew she was right. They both were victims. But out of the two of them she had definitely gotten the rough end of the deal. He had a million things he felt that he needed to say but he felt unable to say any of them at the moment and instead just nodded his head.

“How uh..how have you been?” she went on, lifting her head to look at him.

He definitely wasn't going to tell her the full truth about that so he shrugged his shoulders. “Worried about you.”

He watched her eyes well up with tears. “I...I  _ hate _ her.” he knew she was talking about Bellatrix. “It’s so  _ evil  _ what she did...using you like that.” She wiped her eyes. 

He wanted to go to her and comfort her but didn't know if she would want that so he refrained.

“I thought- I thought we were all g-going to die.” she continued, as tears continued to slide down her face, her bottom lip trembling. 

“But we  _ didn't  _ die.” He said softly, leaning forward in his chair. “We’re  _ alive _ . And we can’t...we can’t let her win. We can’t let what she did tear us apart Hermione. Please. Let me be there for you. I need…” He trailed off. 

Her face was in her hands and she was crying hard, her shoulders shaking. Without thinking, he got up and sat down next to her on the bed, wrapping his arms around her. She abruptly pulled her hands from her face, her body tensing up. “Ron. No. Please...I can’t...no.” she cried.

He immediately let go of her and went back to the chair, his chest aching. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and took in a deep breath. “I’m not ready... _ I’m  _ sorry.”

Ron glanced at Harry. He hadn’t moved or said anything this whole time, seemingly knowing that they needed to have this discussion without him. He turned back to Hermione.

“Hermione….what if we were to...obliviate you? Hell, even me too. We could forget about it...like it never even happened.”

She gave him a look that he couldn't quite decipher as she shook her head slowly. “What we went through Ron...even if we did obliviate ourselves..and I  _ have _ thought about it, trust me. And sure, we could take the memories away, but the trauma of what happened would still be there. We would know that something was off...that something wasn't right. Besides, we need to know just what they are capable of...and what we are fighting against. The prophecy says that Harry is the only one who can destroy you-know-who.  _ That’s _ what we need to focus on.” She gave Harry a small smile and Ron watched as he returned it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was late now and Ron had been laying down in bed for several hours, thinking. He knew that Harry was in the sleeping bag in the room with Hermione again and it reassured him somewhat.

As he lay there, he thought about all that had transpired that day. 

The rest of the afternoon had gone by and although he had made a point to keep a safe distance away from Hermione, he noticed that every time that she would look at him her hands would start to shake again. He had tried not to show her how it made him feel..she couldn’t help it after all. 

He knew that she had been trying to mask a lot of what she was really feeling from him as well, as he knew her too well to know when she wasn't being honest. Everything had seemed so fake between them and it was obvious that both of them were trying not to hurt the other. 

After dinner though, they had had a moment. He had tried not to notice the way that her entire body had started to tremble at his touch as she had finally let him hold her. For the first time he had hope that all would eventually be okay. While holding her, he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her and it had not gone...very well.

She had stepped back from him, and told him that she loved him  _ and Harry _ too and that they were her best friends, yada yada he couldn't really remember what exactly she had said as he had felt like a tidal wave had just knocked him over. 

The way he thought he had said it  _ should _ have clued her in to what kind of love he was actually speaking of, but she had either pretended not to know, or misunderstood his meaning completely.

He turned over. Maybe it was better not to have that discussion yet though, they  _ had _ been through so much lately. 

But what  _ really _ had bugged him though, was the talk she had insisted all three of them have after dinner. She had forced both him and Harry to promise to continue with their mission of hunting for horcruxes ‘even if something happened to one of them’

At first he thought that she had been hinting that she expected him to leave them again, as he had done before. He had been slightly offended at this, and had let them both know that he would  _ never _ do that again. She had then brought up a scenario talking about if someone were to kidnap  _ her _ , then both of them still had to continue on without her.

That was when his suspicion of her intentions had started creeping in. Was she thinking of leaving them? Why else would she be so insistent on them promising her that they would go on? 

A dark and heavy feeling of foreboding had come over him. He had started to panic listening to her talk, listening to see what else she would say. 

Although she had been slightly avoiding his eyes all day, at that moment it had been even more so. Her eyes were shifty and her whole demeanor had been so suspicious.

Once Harry had gone to take a shower, Ron had not wanted to leave her, even though she clearly had wanted him to. He had tried one last time to talk to her, all to no avail as she had climbed under her blanket and told him that she wanted to go to sleep. Very reluctantly, he had wished her goodnight and left the room.

He turned over in his bed, sighing loudly. If his suspicions were right, and she did want to leave them, he would convince her to stay. He didn't know what he would do if that were to happen. He wouldn’t...couldn't be able to cope if she left. With that thought, he quietly crept out of bed. 

His watch read 3:27 in the morning as he soundlessly made his way to the room to check on Hermione. He silently opened the door and stuck his head in. Harry was lightly snoring in the sleeping bag on the floor while Hermione was sleeping peacefully on the bed. He sighed a breath of relief. Maye his suspicions were unwarranted. With that thought, he made his way back to bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hours later, he was woken by the sound of people shouting. His first instinct was to throw a pillow over his head and go back to sleep but then he realized what the shouting voices were saying. They were shouting Hermione’s name.

A knot of dread formed in his stomach as he jumped up and sprinted out of the room. 

He ran outside, right into Harry, who was frantic, his hands running through his hair.

“What’s going on?” he demanded.

“She-she left.” Harry stuttered.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” Ron yelled, panicking. 

“She left a box of all of our stuff on her bed, and a note on her pillow.”

“FUCK!” Ron turned around and ran back upstairs, to the bed that Hermione had been using. He saw the box of stuff on her bed and he snatched up the piece of parchment on the pillow.

All it said was ‘I’m sorry.’

He let out a growl of frustration and then he tore through the house, looking for any sign that she was there. He screamed her name over and over again; enraged. He wasn’t angry at her, he was only angry at himself. He had _known._ He had talked himself down and tried to move past the feeling that he had had, but he had _known._

Everyone was looking for her and yelling for her, inside and outside, but Ron knew her, and knew that she had been gone long before anyone had discovered her missing. 

_ That’s  _ why she had made him fucking promise. He screamed, throwing his fist into the wall of the living room. He realized that he had hit a stud and started to relentlessly swing and hit the spot over and over again with both fists. One fist after the other, he hit until the sheet rock had gone and he was just hitting the wood. He barely registered the aching in his hands and the blood smearing all over the wall and the wood behind it. 

He heard Fleur walk in and let out a loud gasp before he heard Bill shout at him. “Ron, STOP.”

  
Ron stopped and turned around, panting, glaring at his older brother. He had the sudden urge to hit him...to hit  _ anyone _ , but he knew this wasn't anyone’s fault except his so he turned around and ran upstairs, away from everyone else. He ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind him and laid on the cold tile, feeling faint and hoping that this was just a bad dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just letting you know that the conversations between Hermione and Ron will be covered in detail later on. I left it vague on purpose.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hopefully it’s apparent now why the first chapter was so gruesome. I knew that it had to take a lot of bad things happening to make Hermione feel like she needed to leave. I also wanted to challenge myself with it, and especially the after-effects from it. Thank you to all who are still reading.

*6 years and 4 months later*

Ron groaned, his head pounding as he turned over in bed. Slowly he opened his eyes, rapidly blinking due to the bright sunlight streaming from the window...a window with white lace curtains.

Wait. This wasn't his room. He wasn't at his flat. He closed his eyes again. What had happened last night? 

A pair of thin arms wrapped around him from behind. Ah. Now he remembered. What was her name? Sarah? Sally? He knew it was something that started with an S.

Flashes of last night started coming back to him.

_He took a slow sip of his beer as he listened to the blonde woman sitting next to him at the bar gushing about how great it was to meet a ‘war hero’. He smiled at her, but wasn't really paying too much attention. He had heard if before...too many times._

_“-and do you still talk to Harry Potter?”_

_Oh. She was one of those._

_He took another sip. “He’s married to my sister, he’s my brother in law now. That ship has sailed.”_

_She paused for half a second before giving him a big smile and moving on to talking about how ‘fit’ he was. Although he was quickly becoming bored, he didn’t mind watching her...she was quite pretty._

_“I’m Sandra.”_

_He offered his hand to her to shake as he winked at her. “I’m Ron.” She giggled in a way that reminded him of his ex-girlfriend Lavender Brown and he tried not to wince._

“How’d you sleep?” She interrupted his thoughts as she yawned and pulled her naked body closer into his back.

He rubbed his temples. He knew he was going to be in trouble with George. He hadn't gotten as drunk as he had last night in quite a while, and he hadn't stayed out all night in a little over two years. Yep. George was going to be mad.

“Yeah....I slept great. Thanks uh, for having...me over.” He turned over and managed to plaster a grin on his face. Alcohol could make him quite smooth, but without it he was still pretty awkward.

She didn't seem to notice and smiled warmly at him as if he had just professed his love for her. She leaned in and kissed him hard, then pulled back and started kissing on his neck. 

He slowly started to pull away from her. “As much as I’d love to stay, I really do have to get going.”

“What? Why?” She asked, making a pouty face at him and again reminding him of Lavender. Why had he agreed to come home with her again? She sat up, the blanket falling down and revealing her naked chest. Right...that’s why. Great body. 

“I’ve got work.” He replied as he stood up next to the bed, bending over to pick his clothes up off of the floor and hurriedly started putting them on.

“Can’t you take the day off?” She whined.

Wow. One night and she was asking him to take the day off work to be with her? He _certainly_ hadn’t been thinking straight last night. As much as he didn’t feel like facing George right now, he would much rather do that than stay here with her. He had already crossed the line and broken two of his own rules. One was going out on a weekday, the other one involved staying the night with women. Unfortunately, Sandra seemed the type to get extremely attached and that was the last thing that he needed.

“No sorry, I gotta go.” He picked up his wand from her nightstand and put it in his back pocket. He checked his watch. _Shite_. He had been due at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes ten minutes ago. 

“Fine. Will you call me?”

“Uh...don’t have a phone.” He answered as he buttoned up his shirt.

“Really? Well you’ve got to get caught up with the times! And if you had a phone, we could text!”

”Right.” He answered, now fully dressed and ready to apparate out of there. “I’ll...see you around ok?”

Before she could answer, he turned with a loud crack, and was now standing in the storage room at WWW.

He grabbed a box of products and made his way out to the front of the store. He saw his brother animatedly talking to a group of teenagers. George spotted him and shot him a quick glare before returning his attention to the customers.

Ron sighed and started restocking some of the products onto the shelves. After a few minutes, George walked over and stood beside him.

“You're late.”

“Only ten minutes...but yeah I’m sorry.”

“You didn't come home last night. And you're wearing the same clothes that you wore yesterday.” George added, crossing his arms.

“Yeah. I drank too much last night.” He admitted. “Ended up at this bird Sandra’s apartment. Big mistake.”

“Why did you even go out on a Thursday?” George quizzed him.

He shrugged. He really didn’t have an answer. The truth was that some days things just all of a sudden hit him hard and he again turned to alcohol to help.

After the war, both him and George had gotten pissed drunk almost every night trying to avoid their reality. This had gone on for several months before their family had gotten them all together and expressed how concerned they all were. The sight of their mum sobbing had affected both him and George and they had promised her to try and do better. 

The two brothers had then started to hold each other accountable for their actions. Things hadn’t immediately gotten better, but had gone up and down. They both had bad months/weeks/days and although they gave each other grace, they didn’t let the other get off scot free for it either. 

Together, they had re-opened the store, and Ron had moved in with George into the flat above it into Fred’s old room.

George had gotten considerably better once he had started dating Angelina and the past several years had hardly drank at all. Ron was usually sober nowadays, but did allow himself weekends to go out and get pissed, although he almost never got as drunk as he used to. This usually led to him going home with random women who flung themselves at him because he was now well known for having a hand in stopping Voldemort’s reign over the wizarding world. 

The trauma of what had happened at Malfoy Manor was still with him, but with time had lessened considerably. He remembered the time, about seven months after the war ended, he had gone to a muggle bar so he wouldn't be recognized. He had gotten extremely drunk and had allowed himself to be taken to an apartment by a girl who went to university down the street. After they had shagged, he had freaked out and started apologizing to her. She had looked at him as if he was crazy and he had immediately left, embarrassed and feeling disgusted with himself.

About two years after that had happened, he had shown up to a family gathering, so drunk that he could barely stand. When his presence had only caused sadness and anger from his family members, he had stood up and yelled out the whole story of what had happened at Malfoy Manor and then the true story of why Hermione had left. His family had been silent, dumbfounded and a few of them had listened with tears rolling down their faces as Ron cried while getting the story out. Molly in particular had been extremely upset and had held onto him for thirty minutes afterwards, stroking his hair and holding onto him as if he were a kid again.

George brought him out of his thoughts as he slapped a hand onto Ron’s shoulder. “I’ll let this one slide, Ronniekins. But only because you really have been behaving lately. Don’t make me regret my forgiveness.” Ron nodded as George went on. “Stop stocking now though, we are way behind on paperwork and it needs to be sorted out. I can handle out here, it seems like it will be an easy day.”

Ron agreed and turned around, going through the door that read ‘Employees Only (Or Else)’ and walked back to the small office. 

Ginny had decorated it several years ago with a bunch of framed pictures of family and friends adorning the walls. He usually tried not to pay too much attention to certain pictures, as they hurt to look at, but sometimes he couldn't help it. 

He stopped and smiled at a picture of Fred, at about 12 years old, shirtless and flexing his non-existent muscles. His eyes then turned to the photograph directly to the right of that one. 

It was a picture of him, Harry, and Hermione before Bill’s wedding. It was taken right before Harry had polyjuiced into a pretend cousin of his. He watched as picture-Ron very shyly and awkwardly pulled picture-Hermione a little closer to him as she grabbed picture-Harry by his sleeve and pulled him to her other side. She was laughing at Harry’s confused face at her action (he had been deep in thought and hadn't realized that someone was taking their picture) All three of them had then dutifully smiled sweetly at the camera.

Ron gently ran his fingers over picture-Hermione’s face. He missed her so much that it made him ache.

He thought back to that morning that Hermione had left them at Shell Cottage. After he had walked out of the bathroom, he had gotten hysterical; screaming that he was leaving and going to look for her. They all had tried to talk him down and had tried to reason with him.

They had pointed out that he had no idea where she had gone and it would have been impossible to find her. Ron had known that they were right, but felt that he was unable to just do _nothing._ None of them understood. They didn't feel the way that he did about her, they weren't in love with her. They also weren't her reason for running away. They had no guilt as he did, they just had concern. 

Harry in particular had been very upset when he had pulled him aside. He had sternly told a distraught Ron that he was so sorry, but that no matter what, they had a war to win...they would find her later, they had promised. He had grabbed the sides of Ron’s wet face. “Let’s win this fucking war, Ron….then we can bring her home...do this _for_ her.”

With Harry’s determined attitude and his promise to Hermione, Ron _had_ done it. With Luna and Griphook’s help, they had broken into gringotts and gotten the horcrux. Then they had of course gone to Hogwarts, and the battle had happened. He remembered the feeling of triumph he had had when he learned that Bellatrix was dead and he had never felt more proud to be the son of Molly Weasley. The battle had cost him his brother and many other lives though, and Ron tried not to think of it often as it was too much. 

After Voldemort had been defeated, his thoughts and efforts had instantly been directed to Hermione. He _had_ to find her. 

Him and Harry had talked to Kingsley and had used the ministry’s help to assist their search for her. Even though it wasn’t really their job to search for missing people, they had had top aurors on the case. They had searched and contacted anyone and everyone who might know where she could be but nobody ever knew anything. 

It had taken a while for the ministry to track down her parents in Australia. Ron had then made the trip there, showing up at their door with Hermione’s picture to ask if they had seen ‘his missing cousin’. They had been sympathetic to his question, but did not recognize her. The memory spells that Hermione had done on them were still holding up tremendously. They had seemed happy where they were and he did not want to bother them further. He had simply thanked them and went on his way.

Years had gone by, and every day his hope of finding her had gotten smaller. Practically everyone in the wizarding world knew of her disappearance, and yet no one had seen any sign of her. Ron knew that she was smart enough to hide herself away, and hoped that wherever she was, she was happy. 

Every day was different in terms of how he felt about everything that had happened. Most days, he told himself that she was far away and happy with a new life and that she didn’t regret leaving. Although this thought stung, he wanted to think positive and this allowed him to keep his sanity mostly intact. He knew that the thought was one of self preservation so he clung to it.

Some days he was just filled with so much anger and rage that he could hardly stand it. He would snap at anybody and everybody around him, and hit inanimate objects to help let out his frustration. George always made him work in the back of the store on those days.

There were the days where he just completely avoided the issue and tried to put it all out of his brain; to try and convince himself that Hermione had never even existed at all. This only worked for a little while of course, and on those days, he just felt numb.

The worst kind of days were when the memories were just too much. He would turn into a sobbing mess and allow himself to really feel the hole inside of him that her disappearance had caused. Usually these kinds of days were the ones that he ended up drunk in a bar. When he went out, everybody knew who he was and wanted to party with him, so he used this as a means to pick himself up and put on a happy face. 

He wasn’t happy though...not really. Sure, he had people in his life that he loved and he had moments of happiness from them, but when it was just him, he was barely content. He knew that a large chunk of him was missing but other than to himself, he never really complained. Many people had lost so much due to the war and he had been no exception. 

He liked his job well enough, and being a business owner paid him a pretty penny but although he was good at it, he wasn’t very passionate about it. To him, it was only a way to earn money and a way to occupy his time. 

He sighed and stepped away from the wall and sat down at the desk, getting to work. The day went by quickly and was totally uneventful. Ron helped George clean up and together they locked up and walked to the back, going upstairs to their flat. 

Ron knew that he couldn't live there forever. George and Angelina had a just-turned two year old son and Angelina was also heavily pregnant with their second. He had been starting to look at other places to live, but so far hadn’t found anything. He figured he had a few months to figure it out. 

He would miss living there though. Ron thoroughly enjoyed having his nephew around so much. He prided himself on being the ‘fun’ uncle and all his nieces and nephews adored him. Bill, Percy and George all were parents now and even Ginny had given birth to her and Harry’s first baby only a few days ago. 

A small part of Ron felt sad about this. He had always wanted children, but he couldn't see himself settling down with anyone for long enough to have them. Although he refused to actually date, he had yet to find any woman that he was remotely interested in being in a relationship with. The thought that he could ever love another woman the way that he loved Hermione was preposterous and it kept him extremely emotionally unavailable to other women.

He could tell that this fact bothered his mum. Sometimes she would drop subtle hints to him such as “Oh Ronnie, you would be _such_ a good father.” Or “Ronnie, there’s this young and pretty witch I met the other day who was just _dying_ to meet you.” Or “You really should just go one one date Ronald, and see how you like it.”

He would always give her “Yeah, maybe someday.” kind of answers to make her feel better as there was no way she could possibly understand. He had known Hermione for _years_ and his love for her had started out as friendship, and had slowly grown into something much more than that. He couldn't possibly go from _that_ to just one day meeting a woman and quickly falling in love with her. Maybe that was normal for other people, but he knew it was not for him. 

He went into the small bathroom that was attached to his small bedroom and hopped in the shower, wanting to wash off any traces of _Sandra_ left behind from last night. This made him feel much better, and he joined George, Angelina and Fred Jr. in the living room afterwards. 

His nephew shrieked in laughter as Ron threw him on top of his shoulders and acted like a bird, running around the room while flapping his arms as if they were wings. They then ate the dinner that Angelina had prepared while they had been at the shop, and then all had retired to their rooms. 

Ron crawled into bed, his body tired, but his mind awake. Everyone was gathering tomorrow for lunch at the burrow for little Fred Jr’s second birthday celebration. He was looking forward to the party, excited to see his nephew's excited face when he opened up all his gifts. He also admitted to himself that he was pretty excited to eat some of Molly Weasley’s homemade cake as well. With that thought, he drifted off to sleep.

He was woken by his pillow being ripped out from underneath him only to be slammed into the side of his face. His arms instantly crossed over his head, protecting himself. 

“What the fuckin’-hell George?” he growled.

George’s bright and annoying smile loomed over him. “Time to wake up Ronniekins. Mum expects us at The Burrow at 11:30 and it’s almost 11. I was nice and let you sleep in some, but apparently your lazy ass needed a little push.”

The birthday boy waddled into the room then, closely followed by Angelina, who was also waddling these days. 

“LAZY ASS!” the two year old squealed in delight, earning George a glare from Angelina as he smiled sheepishly back at her.

The boy then climbed up onto the bed and jumped directly onto Ron’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

“Ughh” He gurgled before grabbing little Fred and body slamming him onto the bed, the boy howling with laughter. 

“You little urchin!” Ron started tickling him and his laughter increased, his little legs kicking the bed violently. 

Ron leaned in further to blow raspberries on his tummy, but the boy’s knee jerked up and collided with Ron’s temple. 

“Ow!” Ron sat up, grabbing the side of his head and wincing.

The boy only laughed harder. “Unc Ron FUNNY!”

“Yeah, yeah. I'm hilarious, kid.” Ron chuckled as Angelina picked up little Fred.

“We’re going to head out early to help set up the party. We’ll see you there.” she told him as they all turned to walk out.

“Yeah, I’m up. I’ll get dressed and head over. Tell mum that I’ll be right behind you.”

They closed the door behind them and he heard them leave by floo through the fireplace in the living room. 

Ron leaned back, stretching his arms behind him in a big stretch as he let out a loud yawn. He stood up and walked over to the small bedroom, hoping he had something clean to wear. 

He pulled on a pair of jeans that Angelina had recently commented on, telling him that they made his bum look really good. He then grabbed a simple black cotton jumper and put that on as well. It was early July so he didn't need to layer. He walked to the bathroom and brushed his teeth and put on some lowdour. He wet his hair and ran a comb through it as he inspected himself in the mirror.

He studied the stubble on his face. He didn't feel much like shaving so he didn't bother. Besides, he felt that the stubble made him look more masculine so he rather liked it. He gave himself one more quick lookover and had to admit to himself that he looked pretty good. 

He walked back into the bedroom, opening up his sock drawer and digging around for some black ones to match his jumper. 

He had just found a folded pair when he heard a muffled voice coming from his top drawer. Confused, he opened the drawer that had seemed to be where the noise had come from.

“Yes. Ronald. Right here!” A voice chirped enthusiastically.

He felt like he was going to throw up as his shaking hand very slowly pulled his deluminator out of the drawer. 

He had just heard _Hermione’s_ voice, clear as day. 

He felt like he was dreaming as he clicked it and watched the ball of light appear. It hovered in the air in front of him, softly floating as if waiting for him. 

He sat down and hastily put on his socks and trainers before moving towards it. _Shite._ He knew he couldn't just leave without letting anyone know that he had gone. He grabbed a notepad and a pen that had been by his bed. 

Sorry I have to go

No time to explain

Everything is fine 

Be back hopefully soon

Ron

He tossed the notepad on his bed, and without another thought, stepped into the floating ball and disappeared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. Sorry for the cliffhanger!  
> Thank you to those who have commented, the comments have spurred me on and make me want to get chapters out faster so keep em coming! <3


	5. Chapter 5

Ron landed in a small alleyway between two very tall buildings, taking a minute to compose himself. The trip had made him feel pretty queasy and he had a strong suspicion that he had just traveled a pretty long distance.

When he felt that he was ready, he walked out of the alleyway onto a very busy sidewalk. He saw cars bumper to bumper in the streets and crowds of people walking on the sidewalks. There were many tall buildings around him and the sound of loud chatter and honking horns were loud and obnoxious. 

Why would Hermione be here? He thought as he started walking. He still was unsure just where he was as he stopped in front of a shop and studied the clothes in the display glass in front of it. He saw a t-shirt that read in large letters ‘I *heart* NEW YORK’

_ No way _ . He couldn't possibly be all the way in the United States. It was impossible to apparate that far without killing yourself, and even portkeys couldn't take anyone this far in one trip. Bewildered, he stopped a man in a suit who was walking down the sidewalk. 

“Sir. Are we in New York City?”

The man glared at him. “No. This is Hawaii, can’t you tell?” He replied sarcastically, walking away and muttering something about people on drugs.

Ron took the deluminator out of his pocket and stared at it incredulously. Once again, the object had blown his mind at what it was able to do. It was impossible, and yet, it had happened. 

He started looking around him, knowing that Hermione had to be somewhere around there. All of those years that she had been gone, he had searched for her in every crowd, in every face that he had happened to see. As he scanned the people around him, he started to feel alarmed. There were  _ so _ many people and they were all moving so fast, not to mention all of the people who would be in the cars on the street. It was impossible to look for her like this. 

He reasoned with himself that however hard that it seemed right now, he was  _ so _ much closer than he had ever been in the last six years. 

He tried not to doubt what he had heard earlier. He had been so certain that it had been her voice that he had heard, but he couldn't help but remember that there had been something...off about it. He hadn’t been able to really pinpoint what it had been, as he had been too much in shock to really think straight. 

“ _ Think, think.”  _ He muttered to himself as he took off walking off down the sidewalk while looking around him. He got to the end of the block, but didn’t want to stray too far away from where he had landed, as he knew that he had reached that specific spot for a reason. He turned around and walked in the opposite direction, still trying to closely study everyone and everything around him. He made it to the other end of the block without noticing anything that seemed to stick out to him.

Growing frustrated, he turned around yet again and headed towards the alleyway that he had come out of. Once he reached it, he looked around at all of the shops around him. His eyes went then to directly across the street, where a small little building sat between two much larger ones. The sign above it read ‘Annie’s Used Bookstore’

Feeling optimistic, he made his way across the street, earning him a few honks from cars that were very slowly moving in the heavy traffic. 

He made it to the door and took a deep breath before he walked inside. His presence was announced by a bell that was tied onto the door. A blonde girl who seemed to be about eighteen looked up from a magazine behind the counter. She eyed him up and down. 

“Welcome to Annie’s. Anything specific that you’re looking for? We sell both new and used books here.”

His eyes quickly scanned the small bookstore but he didn’t see anyone else there. He tried to hide his disappointment as he answered her.

“Nope. Just looking, thank you.” He smiled and started walking towards the shelves, not wanting to seem rude by immediately leaving. 

“You’re English huh? Where are you from?” She asked him curiously.

“Um.. I live in London.” He was now in between two tall shelves and could no longer see her but as the store was small and quiet, it was easy to carry a conversation.

“That’s really far away. What brings you all the way to New York?”

He paused, not knowing what to say. “Uh...I’m looking for an old friend.”

“Ooh. Sounds exciting.”

“I suppose.” he answered, grabbing a cool looking children’s book that had a robot on the cover. 

“Is your friend a man or a woman?” She asked him, seemingly intrigued. He figured that she was probably a bit bored with the slow business and all.

“A woman.” He grabbed another children's book with a moon on it, and then another with a tractor. He figured he could bring them home to Fred Jr.

“Were you and this woman once romantically involved?” The girl asked with raised brows as he stepped out from between the shelves holding the books.

“Not exactly.” He walked towards her and placed the books on the counter. 

She didn’t move to touch them. “But you  _ wanted _ to be romantically involved?” She smirked at him.

He narrowed his eyes and smirked back. “Do you happen to have the time?”

She checked her watch. “It’s fifteen to five and we close at five.”

Woah. It was certainly a huge time-change from London, it was only almost noon at home. He felt a touch guilty for not showing up at the Burrow. He was sure that his family would be worried about him, but at that moment Hermione was his only priority. 

Undeterred, the girl went on. “Why did you have to ruin my fun?”

He shook his head, smiling at her intrusiveness. “Because it’s too complicated to explain. And I really do have to go.” 

“Fine, fine. Just when your story was starting to get interesting too.” She rang up his books and he handed her his visa card, glad that he had put his wallet in his jeans pocket before he had heard Hermione’s voice coming from the deluminator.

“Are you Annie?” He asked her as she bagged up the books in a paper bag.

“No. I’m Cassie. Annie was my grandma. She passed a few years ago. Now my grandpa owns the shop. That’s him there.” She pointed behind her at a picture on the wall. 

In the picture there were four people standing together with Santa Claus hats on, smiling at the camera. It was a muggle picture of course, so it wasn't moving but he saw that it still looked rather cheery. He saw Cassie standing next to an older man who he presumed to be her grandfather. Next to them stood a young and attractive couple. 

His breath suddenly caught in his throat and he had to quickly lean onto the counter as his legs almost gave out. The woman in the photograph was Hermione....and Hermione... _ his _ Hermione was wrapped in another man’s arms.

Cassie seemed to notice his obvious turmoil and turned around to study the photograph. “What is it?” She turned back to him looking extremely confused.

“The- the other woman in the picture. Who is that?” He gestured towards Hermione’s smiling face. 

“That’s Amanda...she works here.” She answered slowly, studying his face closely. Her eyes widened in understanding. “Is  _ Amanda  _ the woman that you’re looking for?” She asked, looking astonished.

He didn’t answer, but he could tell that Cassie already knew the answer from the shocked look that was on her face. “That man-” he stopped, gesturing towards the photo again. “Are they together?”

Cassie again turned to glance at the photo. She turned back to him and laughed. “Martin? No. He’s married.”

Ron wasn’t able to write it off just yet. “But he has-” he gulped. “ _ Amanda _ wrapped in his arms as if they were...a couple or something.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, they’re pretty close. But no, not in  _ that _ way. Martin is gay, he’s married to another man you see.” She paused. “A shame though. He’s really a looker isn't he?” she said, turning to look at the photo again.

Ron sighed in relief. 

“So she’s not... _ with _ anyone then?” He asked hesitantly. 

He knew it wasn't fair for him to assume that she hadn’t been with anyone. It had been over six years after all, and he was sure that a lot had changed in all that time for her as it had for him. But still, the thought of Hermione in a relationship with another man made him feel both jealous rage and sick to his stomach all in one. Time certainly had not stopped him from loving her, and now that he was  _ so close _ to seeing her again he felt the flame that he had always had for her growing and growing into a fiery inferno. He needed to see her. And as soon as possible.

“Not as far as I know.” Cassie answered, staring at him and looking perplexed. “She’s a pretty private person. She doesn't get out much.”

Suddenly Cassie made a small gasp and clapped her hand over her mouth. She stared at Ron with a flabbergasted look on her face.

He stepped back in confusion. “What?” he asked her, feeling rattled by the way she was looking at him.

She quickly composed herself. “Nothing, sorry. I just had a weird thought.”

He furrowed his brows at her. What in the bloody hell was going on? He shook his head. It didn't matter. He needed to get to Hermione. “Can you tell me where to find her? I need to see her.”

She nodded eagerly. “She lives in the apartment complex three blocks from here. When you walk out of here, turn left and keep going until you run into it.” She grabbed a pen and piece of paper and she jotted down the name of the complex and handed it to him. “She left here just a bit ago, you actually had just missed her too. She left only like ten minutes or so before you walked in.” She paused and went on. “I actually don’t know her apartment number or anything. I  _ think _ that she lives on the second floor...not positive though”

He took the piece of paper from her. “That’s a start. Thank you...so much.” He told her sincerely. “You’ve  _ no _ idea...really.”

She grinned at him. “No problem. I hope you know that I am  _ totally  _ going to get details later though. This exchange has been extremely entertaining. As you might be able to tell, my life is pretty boring!”

He chuckled, and turned around to go when she yelled out. “Wait!”

He turned back towards her. 

“Just...promise me that you aren’t like...a serial killer or something. I mean, if so, it would be pretty awful that I helped you find your way straight to her.” Her tone was joking, but he could sense the small amount of doubt in her voice. 

“I can guarantee you that I am one hundred percent  _ not _ a serial killer.” He replied.

She raised her eyebrow at him. “That is exactly what a serial killer would say.”

He sighed. “Listen. I promise you that I would never intentionally do  _ anything _ to hurt her. I mean that.”

She sighed. “So  _ romantic.... _ Ok Romeo, I believe you, now go and get her.”

He stared at her. “What did you call me?”

“Ro-me-o.” She said cheekily.

“What’s that?” He asked. Blimey this girl was confusing. 

She looked at him funny. “Really? You don’t know?”

He shook his head.

“Ok ok. Go ask Amanda then.” She smiled, waving him off. 

“Right. Ok, bye.” And with that he walked out of the door, turning left and briskly started heading towards the apartment complex.

It only took him five or so minutes to find the apartment complex that Cassie had directed him to. It wasn’t very big, but he knew he couldn't just go to the second floor and knock on every door looking for Hermione.

The apartment complex was all indoors so he decided to go inside and look around. It wasn’t very fancy, but it was pleasant enough. The floors were clean and the air smelled far better than the street-smells from outside. 

He was confused though. Besides the little bookstore, the whole of New York seemed to be very un-Hermione-like. He wondered when and why she had ended up here, in the middle of a crazy loud and busy city. He would have thought that she would have ended up somewhere quiet and as stress free as possible, a place where she could read books without distractions....what he wouldn't give to stare at her while she was reading again. 

He rode the elevator to the second floor and walked the hallway. There were twenty two doors total. The thought that she actually lived behind one of them was making his head spin. There was nobody else in the hallway and not knowing what to do next, he made his way outside again. 

Once outside, he sat on a bench in a small grassy area. A few minutes later, a very small, very old woman slowly walked outside with a small dog on a leash. 

Ron cleared his throat. “Excuse me, Miss.” he started.

The woman looked up at him expectantly.

He stood up and took a few steps towards her. “Hi. I’m looking for an old friend who lives in this building. Her name is Herm-Amanda.”

The lady raised her eyebrows at his obvious name change and he could feel the tops of his ears going red.

“Yes. I know Amanda. She takes Baxter here outside to use the bathroom whenever my arthritis is flaring up. What do you want with her?” she glared at him.

He gulped. Apparently this woman felt protective over ‘ _ Amanda _ ’ and wasn’t going to give him her apartment number so easily.

“I’m an old friend from school. I don’t live near here and wanted to drop by and surprise her. I know that she lives on the second floor but I don't know her exact apartment number.”

“If she’s such a good friend of yours, why wouldn't you know her apartment number already?” She snapped. Man, this old bird was tough!

He shrugged. “I guess it didn’t matter until now. I’ve never been here before.”

She gave him one last threatening look before she sighed. “218” She muttered, before returning her eyes to her dog that was currently peeing in the grass.

He resisted giving her a big hug. “Thank you ma'am!” He shouted as he turned around and practically ran back into the building. 

He took the stairs instead of the elevator this time, taking the steps two and three at a time and before he knew it he was standing in from of the door that read #218.

He was breathless from nerves and from running the stairs so he stood there for a couple minutes to compose himself in order not to seem too frantic. Once he felt that he was ready, he gathered every ounce of courage that he had and raised his arm and knocked on the door. There was no answer and he waited about fifteen seconds or so before he knocked again. Again, there was no answer, and he didn't hear any noises coming from the other side of the door.

He knew that he should just wait it out as she probably wasn’t home yet, but he had waited over six fucking years to see her again and he was tired of waiting.

He made sure no one was around before he pulled his wand from the holster on his arm and quickly did an ‘alohomora’ spell on the locked door.The door opened easily and he stepped inside, softly closing and locking it behind him.

He was now in the apartment.  _ Her _ apartment. He stood there and took it in. It was very small and minimal and there was nothing very personable about it. He didn't see any pictures on the walls or anything that really stuck out to him, yet it was still warm and welcoming. 

The living room and kitchen were both merged into one room, the only thing dividing them was a small counter that stuck out. He walked past the kitchen and into the living room. There was a small couch with an end table that had a lamp on it, a small table with four chairs, and lilac curtains on the one window in the room. 

There was one bookshelf against the wall right next to the tv stand where a small tv was. He moved closer to look at the books, but nothing really popped out. Dictionary, encyclopedias...and then just a bunch of muggle books. 

He had the thought then, how would she react to him when she saw  _ him _ ? She of course could have contacted him anytime as he had never gone anywhere, and yet she had chosen not to. 

He sat down on the couch to try and calm himself. What if she got upset once she saw him again? What if she hated him now? What would he do then? He didn’t think that he would be able to just leave her again, even if it was what she wanted. He had lived without her before, and he didn't like that life. Everything in him wanted her back where she belonged, with him.

Of course he didn’t figure that she could be in love with him as he was with her...especially after all this time. But he figured that he would rather have her as a friend than not have her at all. 

Then again, she had apparently been doing just fine without him for all this time and maybe this was a mistake? But could he really just go back home, content in knowing that she was okay and seemingly happy in her new life? He doubted he could. And even if he did manage to leave here without seeing her, he knew he would go home and be absolutely miserable for the rest of his life.

He sat back on the couch, rubbing his eyes. This was not the time to be thinking about all of this. She could be home any minute. He decided though that whatever the consequences, he was determined to see her, to talk to her. If she really wanted nothing to do with him after that, he would know that he had at least tried. 

He needed to do this. He needed to be 100% truthful with her and get everything that had been laying heavy on his chest for years off of himself. So as he sat there, he pondered the exact words that he wanted to say to her.

Before he could think on it for much longer though, he heard the jangling of keys before the door was thrown open.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the most 'awaited for' chapter!
> 
> I had it written, but I didn't like it so I re-did most of it.
> 
> It is long, and I hope you like it...enjoy!

Ron sat frozen on the couch and watched as Hermione walked inside the apartment, kicking the door shut behind her. She was carrying several bags of groceries and her keys were hanging from her pinky finger as she lifted the bags all onto the counter and let out a big sigh of relief. She then took off a small purse that had been hung over her shoulder and tossed that on the counter as well.

He couldn't move. He could hardly fucking breathe. It was really _her_. After all of this time, after all of the pain that he had been through. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to touch her and make sure that she was real. He wanted to kiss her so _fucking_ bad.

He leaned forward and drank in the sight of her. Her hair was longer, but it was straight and tamed and pulled back into a half-ponytail. She was wearing a nice light green shirt, a patterned skirt that reached her knees, and small wedged sandals that she carelessly kicked off of her feet onto the floor. 

He watched as she started putting the groceries away, not seeming to be in a hurry and not so much as glancing in his direction. He tried to think of a way to get her attention without scaring the hell out of her. He slowly rose from the couch and started to walk towards her, regretting just barging in and telling himself that he should have just waited. 

He got to where he was just about five feet behind her and was about to clear his throat when she turned around with a box of pasta, going to put it away in the small pantry. The pasta box immediately fell from her hand as she saw him and gasped. She lunged for her purse that was sitting on the counter next to her keys. She reached inside it and grabbed a small rectangular black box and held it out towards him as if it were some kind of weapon.

He slowly raised his arms up in surrender mode. “Hi” he breathed, his voice barely a whisper, not able to function at her close proximity. 

“Who _are_ you, and what do you want?” She demanded, glaring at him.

He was taken aback as he heard her talk with an american accent as if she had lived here her whole life. _That’s_ why her voice had sounded ‘off’ to him when he had heard it from the deluminator.

With his hands still up, he cleared his throat. “It’s me, Hermione...it’s Ron”

“ _Who_?” She still firmly held the black rectangle, her eyes narrowed at him.

He licked his lips. “You...you don’t know me do you?” He asked her, his heart plummeting.

“Should I?” She tilted her head to the side in curiosity, but she still hadn’t let down her guard.

“Yes. You absolutely should. Listen, I’m not going to hurt you, I swear...please let’s just sit down..let’s talk.” he pleaded.

She paused, and a hint of.. _something_ passed through her eyes as she studied him. She almost seemed as if she were astounded by his presence.

“You don’t recognize me? Not even a little bit?” He pressed on.

She slowly shook her head and lowered her arm. “No...I don't know you. But you look like….” she trailed off. For some unknown reason, her demeanor towards him had changed.

“You think your name is Amanda?” He needed to know what she knew.

She didn't say anything for several long seconds. “Well I _did_...until you said that.” She replied, looking puzzled.

She didn't even bloody know who she was! As happy as he was that he had finally found her, he knew that the weight on his shoulders wouldn't go away until he had sorted out what had happened, why, and how to resolve it. 

He leaned against the counter. “But you _do_ believe me when I say that we know each other?”

“Yes.” She said simply. 

He wondered why she was so willing to trust him, but was grateful for it all the same. “I _do_ know you. I’ve known you since we were both just kids. I’ve been looking for you... for so long.” His voice broke. It was all he could do not to grab her and hold her to him.

Her eyes softened and he saw what looked like hope in them as well. Maybe she was just as lost without him as he was without her. He vowed to make her understand.

Slowly, she set the small black rectangle on the counter. She walked towards him and stopped about a foot away. He felt like he couldn't breathe and his heart beat wildly in his chest as they stared at each other.

She bit her lip before continuing past him. “Come sit down, let’s talk. There’s a lot that I need to know...and probably a lot that you need to know as well.”

She walked into the living room as he followed her and sat down at the end of the couch when she put her arm towards it, wordlessly telling him to sit. She remained standing. 

“You aren't scared of me anymore.” He stated.

She paused. “No. I’m not. I feel like I...can trust you.”

“You can.” he assured her. “I wouldn’t hurt you, I-”

“Who am I?” She interrupted him. She had her determined look on her face, as if she was ready to hit this mystery full on.

“Your name is Hermione Granger.” He quickly answered.

She made a face. “That’s an odd name.”

“I think it’s an amazing name.” He retorted, a little too passionately as she raised her eyebrow at him.

She went on. “So we were a couple right? We were together? 

He slowly let out a breath. “No, we, uh...weren't...a couple. We were best friends..well..us and Harry.”

She gave him a look as if she didn't quite believe him. “How do you just _lose_ a person? Where have you _been_ for the last six years?”

I didn't _lose_ you...you chose to leave. And I already said that I have been looking for you. You’re not from here. You were raised in Hampstead...London.”

She furrowed her brows. “If that were true, wouldn't I speak like you?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, you used to. It is quite puzzling to be honest.” He scratched his chin.

She then moved on to a different subject. “What do you know about the car accident?” 

He hadn’t been expecting that question. “What car accident?”

She didn't get to answer, because at that moment, the front door opened. He watched as Hermione’s eyes widened as she looked at him, a panicked look on her face.

Confused, he stared behind her as a young hispanic woman walked in, a little girl bouncing up and down behind her. 

If Ron thought he had been in disbelief before, it was nothing to how he was feeling now.

“Sorry, we are a little late.” The woman said.“She insisted she finish her drawing.”

The child threw her arm out at Hermione, a piece of paper in her hand. 

“It’s a picture of you and me and a flo-” She abruptly stopped talking when she spied Ron on the couch. 

The two stared at each other before she promptly marched towards him, curiosity on her face.

The possibility that Hermione had had a child during these last few years had never crossed his mind. 

In every scenario that he had ever conjured up, she was still the same age, the same person that she had been when she had left. Obviously that was unrealistic, but when it came to her he thought with his emotions rather than his logic; it had always been that way. 

But this child...this was more than that. 

He knew. He had known from the moment that he had laid eyes on her. This child was his. His and Hermione’s. Her hair was the exact shade of ginger as his was, but as his was silky and smooth, hers was bushy and untamed. Her eyes were also his, and they were locked on his as she moved closer to him.

She slightly tilted her head.“Your hair is the same color as mine.” She said it in a matter of fact way.

He didn’t say anything for several seconds as he was still trying to process the fact that there was a living, breathing human that he had helped create. He looked to Hermione, who was looking extremely nervous, watching him closely as if gauging his reaction to the little girl in front of him.

He cleared his throat. “Well... I’ll tell you a secret. Only _really_ awesome people have hair color like ours.” He managed a tight lipped smile.

The girl smiled back. “I’m Rose. Who are you?”

He didn't miss the similarity of her name to his own. “My name is Ron. Nice to meet you, Rose.” He held out his hand and she stared at it for a second before she reached out her small hand and shook it. 

“You have big hands.” She remarked. 

“Sam?” Hermione said abruptly.

“Yes?” said the woman who had brought Rose in a minute ago.

“Could you...take Rose to your apartment for a little while? I have to talk to...Ron for a bit.”

Sam nodded as she stared hard at Ron. He knew that she knew exactly what was going on. It was extremely obvious who he was. The similarities between himself and the girl along with the tension in the room was a dead give away to anyone that had half a brain.

“Of course. Take all the time you need. We’ll just go raid the ice cream in my freezer.” She gave Ron a look of total incredulity, and then glanced at Hermione, her eyes asking her if she would be ok. He watched as Hermione nodded slightly at her, assuring her.

At the mention of ice cream, the girl happily ran to Sam and grabbed her hand. She got almost to the door before she turned towards Ron and Hermione. 

“I’ll save some ice cream for both of you.” She said seriously.

“Thank you sweetie, I’ll be over soon.” Hermione replied.

The door shut and they were alone once again. Ron immediately put his face in his hands. The feeling of being completely and totally overwhelmed enveloped him and he felt faint and drained of all energy. To finally find Hermione at _last_ when he had thought he’d never see her again, and then to also find that he had a _daughter?_ It was too much too fast.

Neither of them spoke for several long seconds.

“ohgod.” He finally blurted out, his face still in his hands.

She didn't say anything. 

“ohgodd.” He said again, almost moaning.

“You said that already.”

“I don’t know what else to say.” 

Her tone got sharp. “Look. I’ve been doing this alone for this long already. You don’t have to be involved. It’s obvious that you had no idea. I would like answers to all of my questions, but after you answer them...you are free to leave, no strings attached. I certainly don’t expect you to just pick up-”

_Shite_ . He threw his head up and looked at her. “No, no no. I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant- I didn’t mean that I didn’t want- I just...all this time?” He sighed, knowing he wasn’t making any sense. “You have to give me a minute. This is a _lot_ to take in that’s all. Trust me, I’m _not_ going anywhere...especially now.” 

“Well...your reaction wasn't the greatest, you know.” She bit her lip.

“I have a _kid_ . Not even a baby. A _kid_ . A kid that I had no idea existed, who has no idea who _I_ am...and then there's _you_ , who also has no idea who I am, but you sure damn _should.”_ He rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at her. “You two need to come back home with me. There are tons of people who love and miss you. We can take you and get your head sorted out and figure out _why_ it is that you can’t remember. I’ll help you. I’ll help you _both_. Whatever either of you needs, I will get it for you..anything. Just...come with me...please.”

She sat on the edge of the couch looking as if she was deep in thought. “I mean, I don’t even _know_ you. And I..I have a life here.”

“No. You have “ _Amanda’s_ ” life here. You are _Hermione_ . Your home is with us...with _me_.”

Her eyes narrowed at him again.“You said that we weren't in a relationship, yet you are talking as if we _were_ . And how does that explain a _child_ that we so obviously created together?” Her hand gestured towards the door that the little girl had gone through several minutes earlier. 

He ran his fingers through his hair. He was not at all ready to dive into how the little girl had come to be. At least not first thing.

“That part...is complicated.” He finally muttered.

She sighed but didn't say anything.

He lifted his head to look at her. “Do you remember _anything_? Anything at all?” He urged, desperate for her to do so.

She shook her head sadly. “The very first thing that I remember, was waking up in this apartment. I had no idea _who_ I was. All of my identification was on the table. I had a journal explaining that I had been in a bad car crash, and the result was permanent memory loss, that I would be unable to remember anything before I woke up. It was in my handwriting... assuring me that I was not crazy, and telling myself to move forward instead of looking back. I already had a job at a bookstore, although apparently it was a very new job.”

She went on, talking fast as to get it all out. “I felt like I had no other alternative, so then I did what the journal had told me to do. I focused on the future, I started making friends with my coworkers and my neighbors…” 

She then slid down the arm of the couch, and was now sitting a few feet away from him. “It was a little while later...something felt ‘off’. I was exhausted after everything that I did, I had headaches that made me ill. At Sam’s urging, I went to the doctor and discovered that I was 14 weeks pregnant. To say that I was terrified would have been an understatement. I had no idea who the father of my baby was... the journal never so much as mentioned a _boyfriend_.”

Ron felt a surge of sadness at her words.

She continued. “I contemplated adoption...I didn’t know how good of a mother I could be to this child whom I had no idea where she came from. I tried to emotionally distance myself from the pregnancy...tell myself that keeping her wouldn’t be a good idea.” She paused for a few seconds, staring at the coffee table, before her face broke into a smile. “But when she was born and I looked at her for the first time...it was like I had known her my whole life...she _is_ my whole life.”

Listening to all of this, the rock in Ron’s chest grew heavier and heavier. The thought of Hermione dealing with all of this by herself made his heart ache. He stared at her. She was amazing then, and she was amazing now. He knew she was capable of just about anything, but how he _wished_ he could have been there for her when she was going through all of this alone. 

She then lifted her head and met his eyes, her face turning serious. “But there's something I need to tell you. Rose...she’s not a normal child. Strange things happen sometimes, things that I can’t explain.” 

Ron looked at her quizzically, and she went on. “When she was a baby, she would wake up in the middle of the night, and the lights would turn on without anyone turning them on. The light would wake me up, and she would just lay there looking up at them. 

And if there's something on a high shelf that she happens to want, she ends up with it in her hand without her ever getting it down. And there are other unexplained occurrences that happen around her sometimes as well.”

It had just occurred to Ron that Hermione didn’t even know about the wizarding world. She had been living as a muggle since she had been gone. 

He laughed. “She’s a witch.” He stated proudly. “And you are as well.”

She looked at him with an odd expression. “What?”

Ron took his wand out of his sleeve. 

She stared at it. “I have one of those. My journal said that it was a family heirloom and to keep it packed away..”

He pointed it at the bookshelf. “Accio dictionary”. The dictionary came out of the bookcase and sailed into his waiting hand. 

She gaped at him. He could tell that she was not afraid of what he had done, she was just amazed. 

“There’s _so much_ to tell you.” He smiled warmly at her, and to his delight, that smile was mirroring right back at him. 

“Magic...I always knew that there was this huge chunk missing, something that was more than just my memories. Everything that the journal said, everything that I thought I knew, it was all wrong. I always suspected that it was...nothing ever made any sense! How could I not remember _this?_ ”

He swallowed. “I’m...I’m positive that your memories were erased by magic...that there never was a car crash.” 

She looked concerned. “So did someone do this to me? Someone erased my memories and planted me here with a new life...who would do that? Why?” Her face was alarmed, and staring at him as if he had the answers.

Ron’s face and heart fell simultaneously. He was sure now that she had been the one to plant herself into this new life. She had, after all, done the same to her parents. 

He remembered what he had overheard at Shell Cottage back then...she had told Harry that she felt broken. Bellatrix Lestrange with her twisted and sadistic ways had ensured that Hermione would reach her breaking point. 

He clenched his fists thinking of the bitch, and a jolt of relief passed through him when he remembered that she was dead, never to hurt Hermione, or anyone, ever again.

“What is it?” She asked tentatively. She was staring at him with a concerned look on her face.

He battled internally on how exactly to tell her the truth, knowing she could have any number of reactions. Her memories may have been erased, but she was still Hermione. Her brain was still intact and if she knew that _she_ had been the one to choose this life, then she might choose to keep her choice to go on without her past. 

He knew that he wasn’t going to lie to her. The years away from her had concreted the fact that he should have been honest with her years ago. He looked at her, her eyes burrowing into his, desperately trying to get to the truth. 

“You. You were the one who did it. You put yourself into this new life….to forget your old one.” 

She looked surprised at his words, as if she was not expecting that answer at all. “Wh- why would I do that?” 

His face must have said it all as realization came into her eyes. “Something bad happened. Something happened to me that I didn’t want to remember.” She said slowly. It was a statement, rather than a question. 

He nodded. Her eyes showed fear for the first time since he had walked to her in the kitchen, but they also showed determination “I want you to start at the very beginning. Tell me everything.”

So he did. He started by explaining wizards and witches, and muggles. He described to her his family, his upbringing. He explained that sometimes, muggles can have magical children, and that’s what had happened in her case. 

He described his first meeting with her on the Hogwarts Express and even told her that he did not like her much at all back then, until the troll incident of course. 

He told her about every school year, one by one. The stone, the chamber, the marauders and Sirius Black, the goblet, Voldemort’s return, he left nothing out. He even talked about the yule ball and his ridiculous bout of jealousy over Victor Krum. 

He explained that he had developed feelings for her around that time, but was too immature to really know what they meant. He went over all their arguing and bickering through the years, laughing at how stupid they had acted over such trivial things. He even told her all about the shitty 6th year Lavender incident, which made him grimace, but made her laugh. 

He described everyone that they both knew, from important to not important, leaving nobody out. He told her the limited information that he knew about her parents, and before going into the subject of the war, he told her about how she had sent them off to Australia with modified memories to keep them safe and that they were still there and living happily.

He talked for hours. The sun was now going down in the sky, and still, he kept going. He admitted to her that through the years he had fallen in love with her and that he had always been afraid to let her know, as he didn’t think that she would return his feelings. 

It felt so good to get all of this out, and it was better when he realized that at some point, she had scooted close to him and taken his hand and held it with hers in her lap. 

He had then reached the point in the story that he had dreaded most. He told her about them being caught by the snatchers, and being taken to Bellatrix. He closed his eyes as he recounted every detail of what had happened. His voice kept breaking and it was hard for him to get through it all, as he hadn’t talked or even really thought about what had happened in years. 

By the end, both of their hands were tightly clasped together, both of them with tears running down their faces. 

She looked at him as she turned her arm over in her lap. Where the word ‘mudblood’ used to be, there was a large patch of scar tissue that looked like it had been burned. He softly ran his fingers over it, feeling sick. 

She urged him to go on so he ended with their escape, then Shell Cottage, his having what he now knew were panic attacks, and then the turmoil he had felt at her leaving. 

When he was done neither of them said anything for a long moment.

“I’m sorry.” She said softly. “I can tell that I...really hurt you. You and others as well.” The way that she said it was sincere, yet detached. It was more of an empathy thing for her as she now knew the story, but she didn’t remember any of it. 

“If it helps, from what you have told me I suspect that I had PTSD when I made these decisions. It makes sense.”

“PTSD?” 

“Post-traumatic stress disorder.”

“Right.” he replied. He had learned about the term when he had been looking into what had been happening to him with the panic attacks. He had suspected that he had had it as well.

“So the war, what happened then?”

He finished the story. How they won the war, all of the lives that had been lost. She squeezed his hand as he recounted Fred's death to her. He described his desperation to find her, his working with George, and to his shame, the alcohol and women that had been frequent in her absence. 

She was very understanding of everything that he had told her. He knew that if she had been herself, she probably would have smacked him upside the head for acting so foolish, and the thought made him smile.

He asked questions about her life here, after she had had Rose. It didn't take her long to go over most everything. 

She worked at the bookstore while Sam kept Rose. She had few friends, mainly keeping to herself. Although she had gone on a few short dates, she never got into a relationship as she had never felt a need to be with anyone. Besides, her main priority had always been Rose.

She told him all about their daughter. Her first steps, her first word (book of course) She explained that she was exceptionally smart, and more serious than any other child she had ever met but she still had a wicked sense of humor. Ron had no problem believing in these facts, she was Hermione all over again.

She told him that she purposely only kept Rose around a few people, afraid that someone else would notice that she was different. She was fiercely protective of her and Ron marveled at what a good mum that she had turned out to be and he only hoped to be a good dad to the little girl he had just found out existed. 

“So, she’s what, five?” He asked.

“Yes, five and a half. Her birthday is in december.”

He nodded. It all matched up. “There’s something that I don't understand though.”

She looked at him quizzically. “What?”

“When we were at my brothers house, his wife gave you a potion that was supposed to prevent you from getting pregnant.”

She shrugged. “No birth control is foolproof. I’m sure that it applies there as well.”

“Yeah, I suppose you're right. It's just that I never even considered...”

She looked at the clock on the wall. “It’s nearly 11. I should go get her, she’s probably already asleep. I didn't tuck her in or anything.” She frowned.

“Hey, I’m sure that she’s out like a light, perfectly content in an ice cream coma.” He gave her his trademark lopsided grin, and for the first time, a slight blush crept into her cheeks as she smiled back at him.

“You're probably right. I’m just going to go down the hall and get her. I’ll be right back.” She stood up. 

He stood up after her. “Would you mind, I mean, could I come along as well?”

She looked pleasantly surprised at his request. “Of course you can.”

He followed her out and they walked four doors down and Hermione quietly knocked on the door. It only took a few seconds before Sam’s face appeared. She opened it wider and allowed them inside. Her apartment was the same exact layout as Hermione’s, but decorated in an array of different bright colors. 

“She fell asleep a couple hours ago, no problem.” she whispered as she led them to her bedroom where the little girl looked so small sleeping on the giant bed. Hermione moved to pick her up, but Ron lightly touched the back of her arm. She turned to him, questioning him with her eyes. 

“Can I?” he asked.

She stared at him for a second before nodding her head and stepping back, allowing him in front of her. He bent down and picked up the girl’s sleeping form, marveling at how much she resembled him. He moved easily with her. He was no stranger to children of course, but it was an odd feeling knowing that he was carrying his _own_ child. 

They quietly bid a very obviously puzzled and curious Sam goodnight, and started the quiet walk down the hallway back to her apartment. Once inside, she led him to a tiny bedroom with a small bed in it. 

He laid his daughter down gently. She didn't so much as stir as he pulled the blanket around her. He stepped back and stared down at her in awe for several long seconds before turning his head and noticing Hermione staring at him in the same way. 

He turned and wordlessly they walked out of the room together. Once the door was closed, he turned around just in time to see Hermione hurtling herself towards him. He had little time to react before her lips were crushed against his, and he reciprocated like a starving man who just had food put out in front of him. Her hands were wrapped around his neck, and his arms circled her, pressing her into him. They stumbled in the hallway until her back was against the wall. The glorious moment only lasted about twenty seconds before they broke away from each other, both talking at once.

“You first.” she panted, still breathing heavily. 

He started. “I would love absolutely nothing more than to continue... _that_ .” He eyed her. “But it just...doesn't feel right. I mean, it _feels_ right. I just...I don’t even really know _how_ you feel about me….the real you, I mean. That was something that was never discussed between us, and I…” He trailed off, looking at her longingly.

She smoothed her hair down, a trait that he was relieved to see, because it was so much like the ‘old’ her. “You're right. I don’t know what came over me. I mean, everything we talked about..and then seeing the way you carried her. It’s just that I feel like-” She stopped herself, seemingly nervous to finish the sentence. 

“Go on.” he urged, licking his lips that he could still taste her on.. needing to know what she was thinking. 

“I know it sounds crazy...but it feels as though...even though my brain doesn’t remember you, my heart _does_.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Um..I’m not exactly sure what you mean by that.”

She turned away, seemingly embarrassed. “I have this overwhelming feeling of.. _love_ towards you. As if I’m desperate for you to be here with me and the thought of you leaving makes me feel..helpless.” She paused. “I know you say that you weren't sure how I felt about you, but I’m almost certain that she...that I really loved you.” She turned around and locked eyes with him. 

“You don’t..you don’t know just how much those words mean to me.” he whispered.

She gave him a small smile. 

“Can I hug you?” He wasn't sure where the question had come from, he didn't even remember thinking of it before it flew out of his mouth. 

She let out a small laugh. “Of course.”

He stepped forward and slowly took her in his arms, wrapping them around her as she did the same to him. He closed his eyes and took in the moment. She did, and yet didn’t smell like Hermione, but she felt the same against him as she had in the times that he had hugged her in the past. He never wanted to let go, but the thought that she didn’t _really_ know him allowed him to step back while still gently holding her arms. 

“Do you mind if I crash on the couch?” he asked.

“Of course.” She walked around him to open a small linen closet where she grabbed what she needed before going to make him a bed in the living room. She pointed him towards the small bathroom and told him where to find an extra toothbrush. In true Hermione form, she was prepared. 

He finished and then she took her turn in the bathroom. It was late and he was sure that both of them were feeling the emotional exhaustion of the day. She came out and they shyly bid each other goodnight. He walked to the couch and laid down. It was slightly too short for his tall frame, but once he found a position that he was comfortable in, he fell asleep in only a few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you liked this chapter! I know I still have a few things to explain, but they will come up eventually!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going back to the past for a bit. This is from Hermione’s POV and starts out directly after the talk that the trio have after breakfast.

Hermione laid in the bed at Shell Cottage clutching a pillow, tears streaming down her face. After the conversation that she had had with Harry and Ron she had felt drained and had requested that she be left alone for a while. They both had been understanding and as Ron had walked out behind Harry he had given her one last worried glance before he had shut the door behind him.

It had been the first conversation that she had had with Ron since escaping Malfoy Manor and it had not been easy, even though she had tried not to let him see that. 

Oh Ron. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, feeling the guilt of what she had put him through today, but _especially_ last night when she had woken up. She hadn’t known where she was, and had been dreaming of what had happened over and over. The line between nightmare and reality had been unclear, and she had been absolutely terrified to see him.

Seeing him was so hard and left her with too many mixed emotions. She loved him, but now she was scared of him. Every time that she saw him, she had an overwhelming fear that he was going to hurt her again. She knew it wasn’t rational. It wasn’t _really_ as if she were thinking that he would ever hurt her of his own free will, because she knew that Ron would _never_ do that. It was just that her body would automatically go into flight or fight mode when he was near her. Her heart would start beating fast, she would feel panicked, and her hands would start to uncontrollably shake no matter how hard she tried to stop them from doing so.

She could see it in his face that he was suffering and that her reactions to him were hurting him deeply. He tried to hide it from her but she could see the pain behind his eyes every time he looked at her. 

She had known for a while now that Ron was in love with her. She knew that if at any point during the last year or so, if Ron would have admitted his feelings for her, that she probably wouldn’t have hesitated to sleep with him. She was in love with him, and she knew that sex was a part of that. But what had happened...it hadn't been love, and that crushed her. 

She knew that if she were to tell him that his feelings for her were reciprocated, he would love her and take care of her the best that he could. He would help her get past the trauma they had endured. But she would wonder then, if he would mainly be with her out of guilt and a sense of just doing what was right. Ron was good.. _so_ good, and he deserved more than to be constantly reminded of what he had been forced to do to someone he loved.

She thought of her parents living in Australia, blissfully unaware of anything that had happened to her. She was glad that they didn’t have to worry about her. She didn’t want them to see her like this..to know her as this shell of a person that she had felt like she was ever since Malfoy Manor.

She had decided not long after she had woken up that she was going to leave. She felt extremely selfish and guilty about this, but she had been hurt in a way that she had never been before and was slowly losing the fight against herself to keep her composure. 

She felt like she was being loosely held together with a very flimsy rope that would eventually disintegrate. She knew that eventually she would no longer be able to handle everything that had happened, and would only be a burden to be strung along. She knew that Harry and Ron would do their best to take care of her and that she would be a priority to them. _That_ is why she had to go. She wouldn’t let them string her around out of guilt, or duty, or even love. Their focus could _not_ be on her.

For the first time since learning that she had magic running through her veins, she felt that this world was too much for her. Year after year, her life and the lives of those she cared about had been in danger of being taken. At the moment, it felt like all of those years had come together at once and she felt overpowered. It’s not like she thought that there shouldn't be a fight, because she knew that there had to be, she just felt that it could no longer be _her_ fight.

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She had stayed alone with her thoughts until lunchtime. She had then gone downstairs and couldn't help but see the look of relief that had been on Ron’s face as she had descended the stairs. 

Afterwards, the three of them had spent some alone time together outside, and it had been nice. Their conversations had been light and falsely cheerful, but it had been good for her nonetheless. 

After a few hours, she had excused herself to her room again in order to prepare things for when she would leave. She had found an empty cardboard box under the bed and had gingerly taken out both Harry’s and Ron's things from her beaded bag and put them in the box.

When she was positive that all of their things were no longer in her bag, she slid the box back under the bed.

The timing had been perfect as she had then heard a light knock on the door. “Come in.” she calmly called out. 

Harry stuck his head in the room. She internally sighed from relief that it wasn’t Ron, as Ron had always been able to read her far easier than Harry could and would probably sense that she had been up to something. “Dinner’s ready.” he smiled at her.

“Coming.” she replied and followed him downstairs to the kitchen. 

Dinner passed unceremoniously and she was quiet the whole time while eating, deep in thought. When she finally pulled out of her thoughts, she looked up, surprised to find that Harry, Ron and herself were the only ones remaining at the table. Both of them had already finished their food and were sitting there in silence, waiting patiently for her.

Her eyes instantly watered for the betrayal that was coming for the two boys who had been amazing friends to her since she was just a girl. She locked eyes then with Ron, who was sitting across from her. He gave her a small sad smile and she felt her hands start to shake. She dropped her gaze and quickly put them in her lap, not missing the flash of hurt she saw cross his face as he noticed what had happened. 

She watched from her peripheral as he quietly stood up, collected the dishes and walked them to the sink. His back to them, he stood there gripping the counter so hard that his knuckles turned white. She looked at Harry, who had the usual sad look that he had when he was unable to fix something. 

“Leave us alone?” she asked him.

“Of course.” He rose from his chair and gave her an affectionate rub on the back before walking out.

Ron still hadn’t moved and she stood up and slowly made her way towards him. She stood next to him at the counter, both of them looking forward, out of the window that was above the sink.

“I’m sorry.” she told him, her voice coming out little more than a whisper.

He sighed. “Please don’t apologize, Hermione. It's not your fault.”

“It’s not your fault either Ron.” she said softly, turning to him.

He turned as well and they were now facing each other. His eyes went from her face to her hands, with his close proximity they had started to shake again.

Slowly he grasped both of her hands in his larger ones. “Is this ok?” he asked her, his voice unsure.

She nodded, gathering all of her courage and stepped into him, her body instinctively starting to tremble as she laid her head on his chest. He let go of her hands, wrapping his arms around her and pulled her close. She started to cry then, the weight of what had happened and what would soon happen overwhelming her. Ron didn’t say anything, he just kept holding on to her and very lightly swaying them both. 

She cried for what seemed to be quite a while. At one point she heard the sound of someone walking into the kitchen before they must have seen what was happening and quickly retreated. 

Finally she ran out of tears but Ron was still holding on to her, apparently unwilling to be the first to let go. She felt his lips on the top of her head and thought that she felt his tears in her hair. She felt his body tense a little bit before he broke the silence.

“Hermione I...I love you.” his voice coming out slightly choked and full of emotion.

She shut her eyes tight. It was the last thing she wanted to hear from him at the moment. If he knew that she knew that he loved her, it would only make it harder for him when she left. 

She opened her eyes and stepped away from him, wiping her eyes. “I love you too Ron. You and Harry both. I could’ve never found better friends than the two of you.”

She tried to ignore the way his face fell at her words before he forced out a smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

She stepped back further, turning around. “Let’s go upstairs and find Harry. We need to talk.” 

He looked defeated as he nodded and followed her upstairs to the room that she and Harry had been staying in.

Harry had been slumped up in one of the two chairs in the room and sat up when they walked in. Ron quickly took the other chair as she sat down on top of the bed.

“We need to discuss something.” She stated in her matter-of-fact voice.

Both boys continued to watch her, waiting for her to go on. She felt her hands start to shake again and quickly sat on them. “We need to talk about what needs to be done if something happens to one of us.”

“Like what?” Harry asked apprehensively. Ron didn't say anything, but she saw his jaw tighten at her words.

“If one of us doesn't make it...or is separated or something.”

Neither one of them said anything.

“This needs to be talked about!” She continued, her voice coming out higher pitched now. She desperately needed to know that they would continue and be alright without her. “It’s a real possibility. We need to have a plan.”

Harry sighed. “Ok. Go on.”

She took a deep breath. “Ron, when you...left-” He looked up at her, his expression sad and remorseful. “Harry and I...we tried to go on...and we _did_...but not like we should have. We need to make sure that if something like that happens that the others will continue wholeheartedly and-” 

“Wait, you think I’m going to leave again?!” He cut her off. “I’m not- I wouldn’t-” he took a breath. “I wouldn’t do that again Hermione.”

_‘But I’m going to._ ’ She thought. 

“No! I mean, I didn’t think you would! That’s not what I was saying at all! I just...even if one of us is for one reason or another, unable to continue, the mission still needs to go on. No matter what.”

They didn’t respond but both grimly nodded. 

“For example,” she went on, “say I was captured...or something. Your priority should _still_ be finding and destroying horcruxes rather than going to find me.” 

Ron opened his mouth to retort, but she glared at him and he stopped, looking down at the ground with a furious look on his face.

“The longer this war goes on, the more people will die. You-know-who _has_ to be destroyed as soon as possible. We need to all promise to each other, that no matter what happens, _nothing_ will deter from the plan. Nothing.” 

Harry slowly nodded. “I hate the thought of losing either one of you.” He glanced between them. “But unfortunately now I know that nothing is certain.” He paused. “I can promise that I will go on. I have to.”

Hermione smiled. She then looked to Ron, who now had his arms crossed and was staring stonily at the floor. “Ron?”

He looked at her. “I agree that You-know-who has to be destroyed, I mean that’s obvious...but if something happened to you-.” 

She needed him to promise her. She couldn't go on if he didnt. 

“Yeah well, nobody can stop all bad things from happening Ron. As you are well aware.” She pulled her shaking hands out from under her and thrust them forward to prove the point. He grimaced before turning his eyes back to the floor, clenching his jaw.

“Promise me Ron?” She asked quietly, needing to hear him say it. “No matter what happens, this needs to be finished.”

He looked up at her then, his eyes burrowing into hers and the now-familiar pang of fear from his gaze making her breath hitch. He gulped and then slowly nodded at her. “I promise Hermione.” he sounded defeated but also sincere. 

“Thank you.” She replied, as his promise flooded her with relief. She knew that Ron didn’t take things like promises lightly and would follow through, though she hadn't missed the way his eyes had skeptically searched hers looking for her real intentions of making him promise.

She went on. “Now another thing we need to discuss.” She reached in her pocket and pulled out a small glass vial. “This is a strand of Bellatrix’s hair. _This_ is how we get into the vault at Gringotts.” She included herself in the scenario as not to make them suspicious. She told them her idea of asking Griphook to help aid them. They discussed the plan in detail for about another hour before they were all ready for bed. 

Harry stood up. “I’ll go and take a quick shower first. Either one of you need to use the loo before I go?” Both her and Ron shook their heads at him so he grabbed a towel and clean clothes and walked out. 

Ron stood up, stretching. “I think we got a lot of things done tonight yeah?” She knew that he was just trying to fill the awkward silence that had fallen the moment that Harry had walked out, but she didn’t trust herself not to break down and admit to him her plans so she did not respond. 

She could feel him studying her as she absentmindedly touched the quilt on the bed while she avoided his eyes. He had always been good at knowing what she was thinking and reading her easier than anyone else. She wondered if he suspected the real reason she had brought up the conversation that they had had earlier, and the tense way he was looking at her really made her feel that he did.

He didn't speak for a while, still watching her as she looked down. When he finally did speak it seemed loud in the quiet room although he was speaking rather quietly. “Why do I have a really bad feeling Hermione?” He asked, his voice raspy as if trying not to cry.

She didn’t look up. “Because we are three barely-adults fighting against the most evil dark wizard that ever lived?”

He didn't smile at her attempt at a joke. “About earlier...what I said in the kitchen-”

“I’m really tired Ron. Can we talk tomorrow?” She cut him off, laying in bed and pulling the covers around her. 

He sadly nodded his head and padded his way to the door before turning around. “Goodnight Hermione.” He said quietly.

“Goodnight Ron.” She responded, her voice hardly working.

He smiled at her then before he closed the door. She closed her eyes tight, fighting back tears. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She awoke several hours later as her wand silently vibrated where it lay under her pillow. It was 4:30 am and time for her to go.

She had fallen asleep in her clothes on purpose, knowing she would have to wake up and immediately leave. She quickly and quietly made the bed, pocketing her wand and grabbing up her little beaded bag. She tore a page from the notebook that they had been jotting their ideas in from last night and grabbed a quill. On it, she simply wrote “I’m sorry” and then placed it on her pillow. 

She then bent down and grabbed the box that she had stowed under the bed and pulled it out. She hefted it up and also put it on the bed, right in the middle of the quilt. She stepped over Harry’s sleeping form on the floor and made her way out of the door.

Although her heart was trying to convince her to look in on Ron before she left, she ignored it, not wanting to make it too hard for herself. Not wanting to risk the sound of apparating she quietly made her way downstairs, avoiding any pieces of wood that looked like they would give her away. She made it easily out of the house and walked down the beach quite a ways, enjoying the sound of the waves and the wind in her hair. 

When she thought that she was far enough away, she allowed herself to turn around. The night was still and quiet and no one had noticed her leaving. She stared at the house for a moment. All of the lights in the windows were off, the place entirely peaceful. She felt a few tears fall down her face as she whispered “Goodbye” before disappearing with a crack.

She landed in a wooded area near the airport. Determined, she walked inside and headed straight to the ticket counter where a middle aged woman stood behind a computer. The airport was almost empty, the few travelers and workers there seemed to be half asleep at the early morning hour.

“I’d like to buy the next available ticket to the United States.” She said, laying her hands on the counter. She wanted to go far away, somewhere they wouldn't think to look.

The woman looked at her as if she had lost her mind. “Where _to_ in the United States dear?”

“It doesn’t matter. Just the next available flight please.”

The woman gave her another quizzical look before turning her eyes to the computer screen and typing on her keyboard. “The next available flight is to New York City. It leaves in two hours. Of course the trip will have several layovers.” The printer behind the counter spit out a piece of paper with all of the flight information on it and handed it to Hermione. 

She quickly looked it over before nodding her head and purchasing the ticket. Once she was done, she headed upstairs and went through the next stage, which was showing all her identifications. She had charmed some papers at Shell Cottage before she had left. They now showed her name as Amanda Davis, a seemingly common name for an American. She then went through security and because it was a small airport, everything went smoothly and quickly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Almost two days of airports and airplanes later, she finally landed in New York, exhausted physically and emotionally. She had cried off and on during her flights, torn between continuing on and running back and apologizing for her betrayal. She had known though, that once she had left, she wouldn't go back. 

Once she had left the airport, she walked around the city, trying to figure out what she should do next. She eventually came across a small building that was packed into the much larger ones. It was a used bookstore with a ‘help wanted’ sign in the window.

She walked inside to find an old lady at the counter who introduced herself as Annie and Hermione loved her already. Although the bookstore was small and old, it was clean and lovingly taken care of. Annie had explained that she needed an extra pair of hands to help as she was getting along in her old age and was unable to keep it up like she used to. Annie introduced her to her preteen-aged granddaughter Cassie, who didn’t seem as fooled by Hermione’s fake american accent as her grandmother was, but still seemed excited to have someone new for company. By the time she left the store, she had been hired.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two days later, she stood in _her_ _own_ small apartment. She had used her emergency cash that she had taken when she had left her house all those months ago to pay her first month’s rent. She never would have imagined that she would have used that money for this. 

She had written everything down and had triple checked that everything was in order. She was finally ready to do what she had set out to do since she had left Shell Cottage. 

She knew that on herself, she couldn't make the spell as complicated as she had made it when she had done it to her parents, so she had to erase it all, start with a blank state. She was going to make herself believe that she had been an American her whole life, and if she was correct, that would change her accent.

Earlier, she had burned and quickly healed her forearm, successfully getting rid of the ugly word that Bellatrix had carved into her skin.

She knew that without her memories she would instinctively know that there was something off, but she still felt that it would be better than to have to live with the pain of what had happened and the pain of what she had done.

With tears streaming down her face, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to picture Ron in her mind one last time. She saw his face, smiling crookedly at her. 

“I love you too.” she whispered, before she pointed her wand at herself, her hand shaking. 

“Obliviate”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg that was such an emotional chapter and my favorite one to write so far!
> 
> Please let me know what you think, reviews are so awesome to get even if they are only a few words!


	8. Chapter 8

Fluf, fluff, and more fluff. You're welcome. Enjoy. Comment <3

Ron woke from his sleep with a ‘thud’ as he rolled off of the small couch. Rubbing his shoulder he sat up, remembering where he was and feeling disbelief about everything that had happened the day before. It was pitch black in the apartment, and he stilled as he heard a noise, listening to figure out what it was. He realized that what he was hearing was someone whimpering and he immediately jumped up and ran towards the sound, roughly knocking his shin on the coffee table and cursing at the pain, sure that it would leave a nice-sized bruise. 

He got closer to the noise and opened a door to see Hermione asleep, writhing in her bed. He immediately went to her and started rubbing her arm gently, trying to coax her out of sleep. She suddenly gasped and grabbed onto him, her eyes opening wide and looking scared to death. It only took her a few seconds for her to come to her senses and as she did, she let go of him and shakily started to apologize. 

“There’s absolutely nothing to apologize for.” he tried to reassure her as she put her face into her hands. Hesitantly, he rubbed her back with his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

She lifted her head and sighed. “There’s not really anything to talk about..they happen sometimes. Usually only when Rose isn’t sleeping in here with me.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I don’t see anything, and I don’t hear anything. It’s only pain. The worst I have ever felt. Like my insides are on fire, and my skin is being torn off. I can now understand what it means though...the um, crucio that you told me about.” 

Ron winced at the word and tried to move the conversation forward so she wouldn't say it again. “Do you want me to go get her and bring her in here with you?”

“No, that’s fine...I don’t want to bother her. But maybe...you could stay?”

He looked at her, unsure.

“Just to sleep.” She hurriedly replied. “We can test and see if you...have the same effect?”

Although he wanted nothing more, he didn’t want to overstep and was about to bring up reasons why he shouldn't when he saw the hopeful look on her face. He nodded and she pulled the covers aside and he crawled into bed with her, laying on his back. It was silent for a long while and he thought she had fallen back asleep until he heard her speak.

“Hold me?” she asked in a small, vulnerable voice. 

Slowly he turned to his side and scooted forwards as she scooted back until he was spooning his body behind hers. 

“Come home with me?” He murmured in her hair.

She didn't say anything at first, but then he felt her nod her head. “Ok.” she answered quietly.

He smiled and pulled her even closer. He could hardly remember a time when he had felt so content and once again he fell asleep, feeling like his whole life was between his arms.

He woke up with his arms empty, afraid that it had all been a dream; but as he looked around at his surroundings he knew that wasn't the case. He got up and hurried out of the bedroom, taking a quick stop in the bathroom before heading to the kitchen. He was greeted with the sight of Hermione and Rose sitting at the small table, eating bowls of cereal. 

Hermione grinned at him. “Good morning. Would you like some cereal?” 

“Sure...I’ll get it.” He walked over and helped himself to the cereal and almond milk that had been left on the counter next to an empty bowl and spoon that she had set out for him. 

He then went and sat down with them at the table, everyone quietly eating in comfortable silence. He eyed the little girl, wanting to earn her affection, but not wanting to come on too strong so he didn’t say anything. 

She slurped up the rest of her milk and clunked her bowl on the table before looking up at him. “I read your books that you brought. I liked the robot one the best.”

He raised his eyebrows, impressed. “You can read?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m five.” she said it as if the answer were obvious.

He smiled. “You are your mother’s daughter.” He saw Hermione grin at this.

Rose glanced between them. “I saved you some ice cream, but it’s still at Sam’s.” she sounded disappointed. 

“He swallowed his bite. “That’s ok, we can always go get it later today. I’ll even share my portion with you.” 

She brightened up. “Do you live here now?”

His eyes widened and he looked to Hermione, who seemed mildly amused. “No, I don’t, but I was hoping that you and your mum would travel with me pretty soon. There’s a lot of people who would love to meet you. And plenty of cous- friends to play with. Would you be interested?” 

The girl nodded enthusiastically. “I’ve never been on an airplane, would we go on one?”

Ron didn't know what to say. The deluminator had brought him, and he hadn’t thought about how they would get back home. “It’s a possibility! We still have things to figure out before we leave.”

She smiled. “I like the way you talk. You sound funny.”

“Well everyone that I want to introduce you to all talk like I do. So you’ll be hearing it a lot.“ He chuckled and looked towards Hermione. He still wasn’t used to her american accent. He wondered how she had been able to change the way that she spoke. 

“I was thinking” she started, looking at Both Ron and Rose. “That we could go to the park today. It's a really nice day out and we could go for a walk. What do the two of you think?”

“Can I bring my scooter?” Rose asked.

“Of course you can.” she smiled.

She turned and looked at Ron expectantly and he realized that he had just been staring at her with a grin on his face. He blinked and answered. “Of course. Anything you want.”

“Ok. It’s a plan then.” and her and Rose left the table to get dressed. 

Ron was going to have to wear what he already was wearing, as he of course had left with no change of clothes. He hoped to be able to stop by some sort of shop and buy another set of clothes once they were out. He and Hermione hadn’t yet discussed in detail the plans of their trip back and he wasn’t sure when she wanted to leave. He figured that they would talk about all that sometime today.

He was interrupted from his thoughts as Hermione stepped out of the hallway wearing a light blue sundress. Her hair was pulled back into a braid, and she had on the sandals that she had worn yesterday. 

“You look beautiful.” 

She smiled and gave a small laugh, narrowing her eyes. “Are you  _ always _ this nice?”

“Not at all!” he laughed. “You got on to me for being an arse more times than I could count. And once, you even told me that I had the emotional range of a  _ teaspoon _ .”

She mock-gasped. “I think you probably have a bit more than a teaspoon range of emotion.”

He raised his eyebrows. “A  _ bit?” _

“Yes.  _ Just  _ a bit.”

“Yeah well-”

He stopped talking as Rose came in behind Hermione, wearing a t-shirt and shorts, her hair in a low ponytail. She was holding on to her scooter and practically bouncing with excitement.

“I’m ready!”

“Well then, by all means, let’s go!” Ron stated enthusiastically, standing up and putting his hand out for the girl to take. She laughed and took his hand and he smiled at Hermione, who was smiling back.

He leaned and whispered in her ear, internally noting that she smelled delicious. “I haven’t forgotten your insults. We’ll finish this later.”

“Insults? I only insulted you once. Can you not count? Maybe your range of intelligence is a teaspoon size as well.”

His mouth dropped open as she walked past him, looking smug.

They made their way down and walked out onto the busy sidewalks. Hermione led them only a few blocks down until they reached the park. Rose got on her scooter and started rolling down the sidewalk as if she’d done it a thousand times before and they slowly followed her, walking side by side in silence.

“You didn't explain how you found me.” She asked, breaking the silence.

He pulled the deluminator out of his pocket, showing her. “Same as I did the first time, when I left you in the tent. This brought me.”

She furrowed her brows. “But I didn’t say your name.”

“You said Ronald. I heard you.”

She thought for a moment. “Oh, you're right! A woman came into the bookstore yesterday, looking for a children’s author named Wallace Ronald and I helped her find what she was looking for. How neat!” 

“Totally neat.” He agreed. “I need to find that woman and thank her for giving me my life back.”

She blushed and looked away looking slightly guilty. 

“What is it?” he asked her, concerned.

She bit her bottom lip. “The way you talk about me. I’ve never had anyone care about me in that way, well at least what I remember. And to be honest I feel like I have to live up to these...high expectations...and I’m not quite sure I know how to do that.”

“I’m not  _ expecting _ anything of you. I mean...except for you to uproot your whole life and leave everything that you know behind to travel very far away with a man you just met.”

She laughed.

“No, but really.” His went on, his voice turning serious. “Don’t worry about having to, I don’t know,  _ impress _ me or anything. You’ve already done all that and more.” He reached out and took her hand as they walked.

She threaded her fingers through his. “Alright then, I’ll try to trust you on this one I suppose.” 

He watched Rose ahead of them, scooting along in her own little world. “Would it be unrealistic to ask you to leave tomorrow or the day after? I want to get you two home as soon as possible.”

“Well..I could try. I’d have to quit my job, but I don’t think that they need me near as much now since we’ve hired someone else just recently...”

“Who, Martin?”

She looked at him confused. “No but- Wait, how do you know about Martin?”

“Oh yeah. Well the deluminator took me near the bookstore and I ended up going inside. I saw the photograph on the wall in there and had a near heart attack thinking you were married or something.”

“Oh. No. Martin’s a good friend who used to live in the apartments with his husband Gary. They moved to Texas a few months ago.. I took Martin to the little christmas party at the bookstore. That’s where the photo was from.”

“Ah. Anyway it ended up with Cassie, she’s something else she is, telling me where to find you.”

She laughed. “I can only imagine her giving you the third degree. She’s great but I do not know anyone to be as nosy as she is.”

“She called me Romio. What does that mean?”

She looked like she was holding back laughter. “Do you mean Romeo?”

“Yeah, that!”

“It’s a name. From a Shakespearean play. To get to the point quicker, basically she was calling you romantic.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” He said sheepishly.

Just then he watched as Rose had a wipeout on her scooter. Both him and Hermione quickly got to the girl, who was inspecting a small cut on her knee. 

“Someone left gum on the sidewalk and I tried to go around it and fell.” She wasn’t crying as she stood up and grabbed her scooter. “Can we get a drink?” She asked, looking up at them.

Ron looked around. He couldn't just pull out his wand and conjure up a cup and water around so many muggles. He spotted a water fountain a little ways away from them and pointed. “There, let’s go.”

They walked up to it and Rose gratefully drank from it. Hermione went next. When it was his turn, he took a drink before filling his mouth up with water. He then turned to an unsuspecting Hermione and opened his mouth, shooting out a thin stream of water at her through his teeth. She jumped back in surprise, looking at him incredulously.

“For your insul-t” He grinned, emphasizing the T.

Rose was laughing hysterically as he folded his arms and waited for her to respond.

“ _ Ronald.”  _ She said warningly. “Are you sure that you want to start this with me?” 

“Ooh.” He narrowed his eyes. “I  _ like _ it when you say my whole first name like that.”

He watched as her eyes widened as she lost her composure for half a second and looked at him almost as if she were aroused. He held back a shudder of desire.

She quickly blinked, and her face turned mischievous as her hand shot out and pinched him on his side.

“AH!” He screamed. “That tickles!”

Rose was still finding the whole exchange between them absolutely hilarious and with all of them laughing, they decided to get some lunch. 

While out, they discussed plans of leaving and Hermione was concerned as Ron nor Rose had a passport. He explained that there was a super simple spell to create realistic passports and birth certificates, etc. and the only thing that they really needed to do was get airplane tickets, which he insisted that he pay for.

After they were done eating, she took Rose to the bookstore to tell Cassie that she would be leaving New York and wouldn’t be working there anymore while Ron went to go buy an extra set of clothes.

He went into a few shops that he refused to buy anything from as they were ridiculously overpriced. No way in hell would he pay that amount of money for a simple outfit! He ended up back to where he had seen the shirt in the display glass the day before.

It was a small tourist shop and he didn’t have many options so he settled with an I *heart* NEW YORK t-shirt, a grey pair of sweatpants, and a 3-pack of underwear that also said I *heart* NEW YORK all over them, with the statue of liberty on the crotch. He also grabbed some deodorant and plain socks before going to the counter and checking out.

After he left the store he headed back to the park, where they had agreed to meet and was there alone for about 15 minutes before Hermione and Rose walked up.

“Sorry about that. Cassie was absolutely  _ bombarding _ me with questions. It’s a wonder that we even managed to escape at all.”

They stayed in the park for hours after that, Ron begged Hermione to join him and Rose on all of the playground equipment before she eventually caved. They both laughed at the looks that they got from people as they raced on a pair of double slides and had a swinging competition on the swings.

They went to an open area of grass and Ron taught Rose how to use grass to whistle and she taught him how to cartwheel. Her and Hermione laughed as they watched him keep falling ungraciously on his arse.

They then went to a little cafe for dinner, and by the time they headed home, all of them were exhausted. Rose was yawning so Hermione decided to give her a bath and get her into bed. He sat on the couch, going over the day and thinking that he had never been happier in his life. He closed his eyes and dozed off for a bit until Hermione walked into the room.

“She wants you to come say goodnight.” She told him. “I’m going to go take a quick shower.”

He stood up, walking towards where she was standing. He got close and gently pulled her to him, pressing a kiss on her forehead. 

“Thank you for today.” he whispered. 

She looked up at him. “Thank  _ you _ for today.” she whispered back, standing on her toes and kissing his cheek.

Smiling, he backed away and started walking to Rose’s room. When he walked in she was laying on her bed, looking as if she was trying not to fall asleep. Her eyes widened and she smiled when he walked into the room.

“You’ll be here tomorrow too?” she asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I will, and the day after that, and the day after that-” She giggled. “Basically, you will be seeing a lot of me from now on.”

“Good.” She yawned, closing her eyes. 

He leaned down and kissed her on the top of the head and went to stand.

“Ron?” she asked before he could get up. He looked down at her, her eyes were still closed.

“What is it?” he replied tenderly.

“Are you my dad?”

He froze. “I...am”

She smiled. “I knew it.”

With that, she turned over and seemed to fall asleep instantly. He stood up and quietly crept out of the room, closing the door behind him, his head reeling as he headed back to the couch.

About ten minutes after he sat down, Hermione walked out wearing shorts and a shirt, towel drying her hair. “Shower’s all yours.”

“She knows.” he replied.

She paused. “You told her?”

“No. She asked me and I told her yes. I hope that’s ok with you.”

“Of course it is. She’s smart that one. I swear she knows everything.”

“Are you sure she’s only 5? She acts much older.”

“She’s always been mature for her age.”

“She  _ definitely  _ didn't get that from me. I didn’t fully grow up until...well when I do, I’ll let you know.” 

They both laughed.

“By the way, not that it wasn’t pretty how it was before, but I like your hair like that much better.” 

She looked unconvinced. “You mean, you like my hair to be a crazy frizzy mess?”

“Yes. Yes I do.” He said earnestly.

“Ok...noted.”

He grabbed the shopping bag off of the floor, walking past her and heading to the bathroom. “Be back out shortly.”

“Throw your clothes out into the hallway so I can wash them.” she called out.

Once in, he hopped in the shower and quickly washed himself, a bit reluctant to use the girly smelling soaps she had, but he had no other choice. 

He rinsed off and got out, dressing in the clothes that he had gotten from the shop. He walked out and almost ran into Hermione, who had been walking in the hallway.

“Stalking me, eh?” He said jokingly.

“You know it.” she replied, rolling her eyes. “I was just going to throw these in the laundry.” She held up his clothes and the sheets he had used on the couch the night before. 

“Kicking me out?”

Her face reddened a bit. 

He chuckled as he understood. “Oh...so you were trying to get me into your bed again?” He raised his eyebrow at her, leaning against the door frame.

“I was being... presumptuous, yes.” she admitted.

He walked up to her, reaching out and taking a tendril of her hair between his fingers. “I really can't blame you. A magical and dashingly handsome wizard shows up in your apartment. What’s a lonely witch to do?”

“Dashingly handsome? Where?!” her head moved around as if looking for someone behind his shoulder.

He cupped her face and leaned forward, lightly kissing her eyebrow, and then the side of her eye. He pulled back for a second before leaning in again to kiss the tip of her nose, finally moving down towards her lips and right at the last second, kissing her on her cheek.

She let out a huff of annoyance.

“What? He looked at her with his most innocent face, his eyes mischievous.

“There’s clean sheets in the linen closet. I hope you enjoyed the couch.” she smirked at him, stepping back.

“No! I’m sorry!” He leaped forward, grabbing her by the waist. He bent his head to hers slowly, their lips almost touching ... and kissed her chin.”

She pushed him away, laughing. 

“Well that’s what you get for not admitting that I’m dashingly handsome!” he chuckled.

“You're... _ okay.” _

“I didn’t want to sleep in your bed anyway.” he shrugged, turning and wrapping his hand on the doorknob to the small linen closet and started opening it. 

Before he could however, Hermione threw her body in between him and the door, her back pushing it closed with a small thud. “You are dashingly handsome.” she said in one breath.

He wrapped his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her to his lips, kissing her hard. She responded enthusiastically, putting her hands on the back of his head. 

He reached down, and picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as she let out a surprised squeal. He walked them into her bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him.

He laid her gently onto the bed, his body following, leaning above her, their lips still attached to each other. Slowly he pulled away to stare at her. “You're you..but you’re not you. It’s bloody confusing and it’s doing my head in.”

“I feel the same. I know you, yet I don’t know you. It’s...odd.”

“What do you want?” He whispered.

“You.” she replied, stroking his chest.

He groaned. “I can’t..uggghh dammit! Not until you’re you again. It wouldn’t be right of me. Please understand.”

“I do understand... Unfortunately my understanding this has me wanting you even more than I did a few moments ago.”

He groaned again. “Saying stuff like  _ that _ is not helping me. At all.” He rested his forehead on hers.

“We can just... continue doing what we were doing?” she asked hopefully.

“What we were  _ doing _ usually leads to  _ doing _ other things.” He scooted on the bed, sitting down and swinging his legs over the side.

Undeterred, she crawled up onto his lap, straddling him and kissed him softly.

He didn’t kiss her back. “Hermione..” he said warningly.

“You know,” she said softly, still kissing his unmoving lips. “I wasn’t too fond of the name at first, but hearing you say it these last two days has made me quite like it.”

“I know what you’re doing.”

“I’m not doing anything.” she replied innocently, kissing him again.

“Hmph.” he muttered.

So...you love New York I see?” she grinned at him, looking down at his shirt.

“You should see my underwear.” 

She raised her eyebrow.

“No. Not like that.” He laughed. “They also say ‘I love New York’.”

“So, do you love New York?” she asked, her fingers running through his hair.

He pondered. “No. Just who’s in it.”

She stared at him for several seconds, biting her lip before throwing herself to him, making him fall back onto the bed. Unable to resist, he kissed her back, his fingers running up and down her back.

“You- will be- the- death of me.” He laughed in between kisses. “But that’s nothing new.” He said softly, running his hand down her cheek.

They settled down in bed, facing each other, kissing softly before she snuggled her head under his chin and they both slowly drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, Ron woke up alone once again. He rolled out of bed and walked into the kitchen, where he saw Rose helping Hermione pack up the kitchen. The sight made him smile.

“Starting without me?” He asked, yawning loudly and stretching his arms over his head.

“We’re early risers.” Hermione shrugged as Rose grinned up at him. 

“I know  _ that. _ You were always pleasantly annoying first thing in the morning.” He smirked at her.

She rolled her eyes.”Come in here, I need to catch you up.” She turned to Rose. “Sweetie, I’m taking a break for a bit ok?”

“Ok. I’ve got the silverware.” the girl replied, packing away every piece into a small box one by one with a concentrated look on her face, barely paying attention to her parents anymore.

“You know,” He started as they walked towards the couch “You don’t have to bring everything.” He gestured towards the kitchen. “I have all of the basics, you can just bring the important stuff.”

“Oh I know. I didn't plan to bring much. I’m just packing the rest so I could donate it before we left.” She sat down and turned to him. “I already got on my laptop and bought the airline tickets early this morning. We leave tomorrow afternoon.

His mouth gaped open in surprise. “I had almost forgotten what it was like to be around you. You’re always ten...no  _ twenty _ steps ahead of me.” He rubbed his eyes. “Wait!” His hand snapped back from his face, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her. “I  _ insisted _ that I buy those airline tickets.”

“Don’t worry Ron.” She smirked as she gestured to his wallet that was sitting on top of the end table behind him. “You did. But only because I had to pay for the last three months of rent so I wouldn't break my lease.”

He let out a breath and smiled. “This is  _ really _ going to happen isn’t it?”

She nodded. “It is. Not that I was particularly unhappy here or anything..especially since Rose came along..but it never really felt like  _ home... _ and I want that. _ ” _ She looked at him longingly.

He leaned over and embraced her. “If it’s up to me, you’ll have all that and more.” He told her, knowing that he absolutely meant it.

She returned his hug before they both stood up and got to work packing. Hermione had pulled out her wand (that was unfortunately Bellatrix’s but he didn’t tell her that, vowing that he would take her to get a new one as soon as possible) and he started to teach her a few simple spells to make packing everything away easier. She of course managed to learn quite flawlessly as he grinned his encouragement.

Rose watched all of this with wide eyes while Ron explained to her all about his world, telling her that it would soon be hers as well. She was looking at him in awe, like he was some magical creature that had just come out of one of her fairy tale books and he was loving having her undivided attention. 

With Ron’s urging, Hermione then left with Rose around lunchtime to go and bid farewell to Ms. Sandlin (the older lady that had told him Hermione’s apartment number) and Sam. He knew that both Hermione and Rose were very close to Sam and could tell that they were sad to leave her. They had stayed away for over an hour, and when they had returned, Hermione had looked like she had been crying a little bit.

The day passed quickly, and by the end of the night, everything that they had needed to do had been done, including sending the boxes to a donation center. To no surprise, they were all exhausted and sleep came fast for all three of them.

For the first time since he had been in New York, Ron woke up first the next morning. Stretching, he made his way to the bathroom where he took a quick shower to help wake himself up. By the time he came out of the loo, Hermione and Rose were both dressed and waiting to use the bathroom.

After they were done, Ron gathered the few pieces of luggage that they were bringing, and all of them were about to walk out the door when they heard a knock. It was Sam coming to tell them goodbye one last time. After she had hugged Hermione and Rose, she turned to Ron and threw her arms around him as well. Stunned, he hugged her back. 

“Promise me that you’ll take care of them?” She asked as she pulled away and stepped back.

“I can promise you that.” He responded sincerely, to which Sam gave him another quick hug. He knew that Hermione hadn’t been able to tell her the whole truth of course, as she was a muggle, but he briefly wondered what she had said to her.

Finally they left the apartment building, and rode in a taxi to the airport. The ride was slow because of all of the traffic, even though the airport was only a few miles away. Rose was talking non-stop about everything that they saw out of the windows with impending excitement about riding on an airplane for the first time. To his delight, she had stopped calling him Ron and was calling him Daddy as if she had known him her whole life. Him and Hermione had smiled at each other, stunned, the first time she had done this. 

Once they had arrived and gotten all their luggage checked in, all three of them held hands through the airport, happily talking about all they would eventually do once they were settled in and living together. Rose’s room had been small at the apartment and Ron promised her her own room with her own furniture and whatever she wanted, toys, clothes, the works. Hermione had scoldingly told him that she didn’t want to spoil their daughter, but just shook her head at him when he replied that he had over five years of things to make up for and Hermione would have to just deal with it.

Almost two days later, they arrived in London in the middle of the night, and headed towards Grimmauld Place. Ron decided that Harry should be the first to know what was going on, so he decided that they were going to stay there for the time being. It was now very early Friday morning and Ron was carrying a sleeping Rose in his arms as Hermione carried the bags that Ron had magically made feather-light.

When they were walking towards the front of the building, Ron sent a patronus to Harry. “Oi, Harry, it’s me. Open up, I got some things to show you.” He grinned at Hermione at his choice of the word ‘things’ and she rolled her eyes.

Together they walked up and stood right outside the doorway, nervously waiting. Harry then opened the door, putting on his glasses and looking slightly miffed about being woken up.

“Ron, wha-?” His eyes widened first in surprise, then in shock as he took in the sight of the three people in front of him. He reached up, grabbing the door frame for support, looking like his knees had given out. 

Ron smiled at him, but Harry ignored him, his eyes focused on Hermione standing just behind Ron’s shoulder.

“Hermione?” Harry said in disbelief.

“She doesn’t remem-” Ron started, but was cut off as Harry threw himself past him, hugging Hermione fiercely.

She looked a little unsure, but smiled as she returned his hug. 

Harry stood back and looked at her incredulously. “Holy  _ shite! _ Come on, come in, let’s go sit down and talk.” He looked like he was definitely fully awake now.

As they started to make their way inside, Ginny appeared on the stairs. Her eyes too went wide, her hand coming up to cup her mouth as she let out a surprised squeak. Her eyes were first on Hermione, then traveled to Ron holding Rose, her eyes going impossibly wider.

Harry stepped next to his wife, grabbing her elbow and giving it a soft squeeze as he too turned his gaze to the sleeping girl. 

Ron looked at both of them, nodding and confirming their obvious suspicion. “Yeah. She’s mine...ours.” he said with a smile, glancing at Hermione who was standing next to the luggage on the floor, looking nervous.

They both stared at him, mouths gaped open. All of a sudden, Ginny started hopping up and down with excitement and Ron could tell it was taking all of her self control not to scream out. 

Ron rolled his eyes good naturedly before turning and walking towards where he knew their guest bedroom was. Once there, he put the sleeping child in the bed, tucking the blankets securely around her.

He quickly made his way back to the living room, where hushed voices were animatedly talking. He put up a silencing charm around them so they could talk without waking up the sleeping children in the house.

“So you really don't remember  _ anything? _ ” Ginny was asking Hermione.

Before Hermione could answer, he walked over to her and put his arm around her waist. “No. She doesn't.”

“Well this can be fixed right?” Harry asked, looking slightly panicked.

“I’m not sure.” Ron admitted “We are staying hopeful. But even if it can’t...she’s home now and that’s the most important thing.” He pulled her closer in reassurance.

“How the hell did you find her anyway?” Ginny blurted. “And ohmygod Ron, you're a  _ dad _ !” she squealed.

“I found her with the deluminator. And yes I am Gin. I’m still getting used to the idea of it...but wait until you meet her! She’s amazing.”

Harry, as usual, was all business. “But if she had no idea that you even existed, how could she have called you with the deluminator?”

“I can answer that one.” Hermione piped up. “I worked at a bookstore in New York-”

“Typical.” Ginny cut in.

Hermione slightly smiled at this as she continued on. “A woman came in, looking for the children’s author Wallace Ronald, and I repeated the name. It really was just a happy coincidence.”

“Nice!” said Harry, smiling. He stepped closer to them. “We are so so glad to have you back Hermione...well almost all of the way back.” He laughed before his eyes got serious. “You don’t know what this means to us, to the whole family, but  _ especially _ to Ron.”

Ron saw Hermione turn her head to study him at Harry’s words and he felt himself start to blush. “He’s right...but let’s stop the mush and get to the plan already. We want to go to St. Mungos as soon as possible. I didn’t really want to tell anyone about my finding her until after she got her memories back...but we need you to watch Rose, so are you able to watch her tomorrow?”

“Of course.” They both nodded at him. Ron knew that Harry had work, but that Ginny would be home. He watched as Hermione gave them a tight-lipped smile. He knew it would be hard for her to leave Rose with people who were basically strangers to her. He gave her arm a reassuring squeeze and then gave her a smile that she returned. 

He studied her then. She looked exhausted and when he had that thought, he suddenly felt exhausted as well. It was a couple of hours past midnight and they had hardly slept at all the whole trip.

“Ok great then.” He responded. “We’ll leave around ten or so. We haven't slept so we really need to do that.” Hermione nodded her agreement. 

“Ok, we’ll see you in the morning then. Goodnight.” Harry said, leaning in to quickly give both Ron and Hermione a quick hug and Ginny doing the same before they made their way back towards their bedroom, both of them still looking to be in disbelief.

Ron picked up the luggage and turned to Hermione, taking her hand and wordlessly leading her to the guest room that he had put Rose in earlier. They took turns in the attached bathroom getting ready for bed. He had told her to go first, and when he walked out he had been expecting her to already be asleep. Instead, she was standing next to the bed and looking down at Rose, lost in thought. He walked across the soft padded carpet and stood in front of her.

“Why aren’t you in bed? You need to get some sleep, tomorrow is a really big day.” He affectionately rubbed her arm.

“I’m nervous. What if it doesn’t work? What if I’m going to miss a huge chunk of my life forever? I mean, I’d already come to terms with it before, but now I know you so it’s...different.”

He contemplated for a minute. “It wouldn’t be ideal I guess..but I’d still want you Hermione...with or without your memories, and that won’t change. We'll make more memories, you and Rose are my family now and I’ve never wanted anything more.”

She wrapped her arms around his middle. “If it didn't work I would try to learn as much about my previous self as I could. I would try my hardest to be  _ her _ ..for you.”

“You are already her.” He assured her. “Smart, funny, damn near perfect. Maybe just a bit nicer...and definitely a lot more flirtatious.” He smirked into her hair. We haven’t really rowed yet...but it’ll happen, trust me. 

“I can stop the flirting if I wanted to, you know.” she replied, her cheek against his chest, her eyes closed.

“Your sense of humor is the same.” He squeezed her tighter before pulling her back and kissing her lightly. “I will  _ never _ get used to just being able to kiss you.”

She grinned up at him, her eyes sparkling.

He groaned. “Let’s go to sleep now because I  _ really  _ want to snog you senseless, but that definitely can’t happen.” He gestured to their sleeping daughter.

She laughed and climbed into the bed under the covers, pulling Rose close to her. Ron climbed into the other side facing them. 

Hermione put her arm out towards him on the pillow and he reached out and grabbed her hand. They both fell asleep almost instantly.

Both Ron and Hermione were woken up the next morning by a curious and happy Rose jumping on the bed and asking all sorts of questions regarding where they were at. They stayed there for several minutes, Ron goofing around with Rose before he told them to go ahead and take the bathroom first, while he lay in bed lazily and waited. 

They came out together, dressed and ready for the day and after a few exchanged words, Rose forced Hermione out, wanting to see the rest of the house and meet other new members of her family. 

Once he was ready and dressed, he made his way downstairs to find everyone in the kitchen and dining room area. Harry was dressed for work and was about ready to floo out. Ginny and Hermione were at the table eating breakfast burritos, while Rose sat on the floor oohing and awwing over sleeping newborn baby James in his baby swing. 

Having already greeted both Hermione and Rose, Harry bid Ron good morning before regretfully telling everyone that he had to go, making Ron promise to keep him updated with everything that was going on. Although he looked happy and hopeful, he also looked quite anxious about everything as he got into the fireplace and left.

“Hey Gin.” Ron called out, turning around and walking to the table.

“Ginny looked up at him and smiled. “Yes? Rose is a delight by the way! Even though I know that she didn’t get _ that _ from you.” She winked at Hermione.

“Hardy har-har.” He replied sarcastically. “Do me a favor and send an owl to mum and let me know that I’m here, and safe, and I’ll be at The Burrow soon.”

“You do realize that everyone is right peeved at you Ron? You just disappeared after leaving such a vague message. Especially George, who’s been doing things by himself at the store for a week now.”

“I know.” Ron said regrettably. “I was all the way in New York! I didn’t know how to get a hold of an owl from there, and none of you lot have phones so I couldn’t call. Besides, I think bringing back these two will  _ more _ than make up for all the trouble. As for George...I’ll make it up to him somehow.”

“I agree that bringing them back will definitely get you off the hook.” Ginny laughed as she got up. “This is still so surreal!”

“Trust me. I know.” Ron replied, staring at a silent Hermione. She was still sitting at the table and he could sense that she was nervous about going to the hospital and he hoped that she wasn’t second-guessing her decision to go. He sat down next to her, grabbing a breakfast burrito and shoving half of it in his mouth. He internally laughed at her face as she looked away from him.

He swallowed. “You know you  _ can _ chastise me for the way I eat. You used to do so all of the time.”

She looked at him then, disapprovingly. “Apparently it didn't help.”

Ron shook his head. “Nope. It didn't.”

She went on. “But fine. Ron, you eat like a pig.”

“Thank you for your honesty.” He grinned at her as he shoved the rest of the burrito in his mouth. “Ust ike ol imes!” He went on while still chewing.

Hermione laughed and rolled her eyes as she stood up. She walked over to Rose, who was quietly reading a book to little James, who was now awake and staring at her, perfectly content.

“Rose, Your Daddy and I have to go somewhere today. Will you be fine staying here with your Aunt Ginny?” 

Rose had done surprisingly well with all of the changes that were happening around her, from meeting him, moving out of the states, and then meeting even more family members all within days. She shook her head. “Yes, I’ll be fine. I’ll stay with my new cousin James. He’s so so cute!”

“I’ll keep her around often if she can keep him entertained like that.” chuckled Ginny. “She’s the baby whisperer!”

Happy with Rose’s reaction, Hermione stood and looked to Ron. Finished eating, he stood and walked over her, taking her hand. 

“Ready?” He asked, gently squeezing her hand.

She nodded. They had decided that they were going to disapparate straight to St. Mungos, now that they were able to apparate since Rose wouldn’t be joining them. Both Ron and Hermione said goodbye to Rose and Ginny one last time, before Ron pulled her close to him, and then they disappeared with a ‘pop’


	10. Chapter 10

They landed in a small heavily wooded area right across the street from St Mungo’s. Hermione looked astounded at the fact that they had been somewhere and then suddenly they were somewhere else, even though Ron had explained it beforehand. With their hands firmly clasped together, they made their way inside the building. Hermione was confused as it looked like a department store from the outside, but Ron explained that it was made that way in order not to draw attention from muggles.

They walked in and talked to a witch at the front desk, who directed them to the fourth floor. There they spoke to an older man at a desk, who then ordered a very young-looking wizard to lead them to a private room. Once they were alone, they sat side by side in two semi-comfortable chairs and waited, neither of them speaking, knowing that they were about to get answers. Only a few minutes passed before an older healer in lime-green robes walked in with a smile on her face.

“Hello.” She smiled. “You're in here for an-” She squinted down at the clipboard in her hand. “ _Assumed_ obliviate from over six years ago, correct?” she finished, looking up at them.

“Yes.” Ron spoke, tightening his hand on Hermione’s, hoping that the healer’s smile meant something good.

“Well we can only hope that is what it is then. Fortunately in the last few years we have managed to learn much more about the spell, therefore we are much more apt to undo it.”

Ron sat up straighter, his heart pounding in his chest. “So you think it will be an easy fix?”

“I can’t say without examining her first...but it _should_ be. There have been some horrible accidents that have come out of using the spell.” Ron thought of Lockhart and shuddered as the healer continued. “It can get much more difficult if the person casting the spell has no idea what they are doing.”

Ron smiled. “Then there is no problem there! She’s brilliant!” 

He watched as Hermione started to look anxious and turned his attention away from the healer. 

He got close to her face, talking quietly. “I hope you know that this is _still_ your choice. As much as _I_ ache for you to have your memories back, this is entirely up to you Hermione. We can leave, right now if that’s your wish.” He desperately didn't want to, but knew that this ultimately wasn't his decision so he held his breath, awaiting her answer.

She looked up at him, her lips pursed. “No. We are _doing_ this.” He leaned in and gave her a soft kiss before looking again up at the healer and nodding his head. “Okay.”

It only took a moment of the woman to wave her wand over Hermione’s head before she started to speak. “Yes, you were right. It was obliviate, and it was done rather well so you should be ready to leave here in under ten minutes.” She grinned.

Ron gaped. “Only in _that_ amount of time?”

“Yes. You see, when done well, the spell works as a... _clip_ of some sort. The memories are there, but unable to make it to the part of the brain that is able to be accessed. One simple spell and the clip is removed and the memories returned. Also, any memories that have been made since the spell are not affected at all so everything will be there.” 

Ron let out a long shaky breath. “Blimey this is so great. I was so worried.” He smiled at Hermione. “Are you ready for this?” He asked her. 

A part of him was terrified that once she remembered who he was and what had happened, she would no longer feel the way she did about him now, but he drove that thought away. She had told him that she felt _love_ for him, even though she had no idea who he was, he was just going to trust in that. 

Hermione just nodded.

The healer then took on a more authoritative tone as she spoke to Hermione. “Ok. I’m going to ask that you sit back and relax as much as possible. When I perform the spell, the memories are going to slowly trickle in, and then start coming faster. It won’t be pleasant, and maybe even slightly painful at times. You will feel every emotion from every memory as they return and it can be extremely overwhelming. 

Remember though, no matter what feelings that you may feel, you will _need_ to stay sitting down as you are liable to faint if you stand up. If everything goes smoothly, the whole thing should only take only a couple of minutes. Afterwards, you will feel exhausted and have a giant headache, but we will get you potions for that after I have examined you again to make sure things went well.”

Hermione turned her head from the healer towards Ron, her brown eyes looking terrified but determined. 

He got down and kneeled on the floor in front of her, taking her hands in his. “I'll be right here.” He told her resolutely.

She nodded. “Ok. I’m ready.” she said shakily to the healer, although her eyes didn't leave his.

The healer then pointed her wand at Hermione and uttered her incantation.

At first, nothing happened, but then suddenly Hermione let out a gasp and clenched her eyes shut, her face wincing as if in pain. Her hands left his and flew to his shoulders in front of her and grasped them painfully. He circled his hands to her back to rub her reassuringly but she didn’t seem to notice as she threw her head forward onto his shoulder as she let out an even bigger gasp. Ron at the moment felt like _he_ was going to be the one fainting, he wanted to help her so bad but he had no idea how to do so. Her upper body started to tremble as she started to breathe heavily, still clinging onto him seemingly with all of her strength. She continued like this for about a minute before she started to whimper, her breaths coming even faster than before. He had a brief thought of doubt as to if they had made the correct choice right before Hermione let out a piercing wail and then collapsed onto him, breaking down in full-on sobs on his shoulder.

He was trembling and could hardly breathe as he looked frantically up at the healer, who gave him a reassuring nod. It was over. 

Hermione was still crying hard on his shoulder but was otherwise still, all the tension that had been in her was now gone. 

He gave her a minute before he slowly leaned back from her, his hands holding on to her shoulders. Her head was still hung low so he wasn’t able to see her face, but he heard her exhausted sounding voice mumble something. 

“What’d you say?” he asked her softly while gently rubbing her shoulders. 

“At Shell Cottage...in the kitchen. I pretended that I didn’t know what you meant...but Ron I _did_..I knew." Her voice was raspy and brittle sounding, but it was hers. The American accent was gone.

Tears immediately stung his eyes as her words hit him.

He put his hands on either side of her face, rubbing her tears away with his thumbs and leaning down so she could see him. "Before you say anything else Hermione, I have to ask you and _please_ tell me the truth. Do you regret doing this? Do you regret getting your memories back?"

She stared at him, her face anguished. "Ron…. ohgod Ron I'm _so_ s-sorry..."

His heart plummeted.

She quickly shook her head. "No! No Ron that's not what I m-meant!” She took several shaky breaths of air, trying to compose herself. “Ron I l- _left_ you. How can you b-be like this with m-me. You sh-should _hate_ me.” He watched as she tried to contain her sobs.

“Shhh Hermione. _Please_.” He leaned his forehead to hers, his hands stroking the sides of her face. “We have time to talk about everything ok? Right now I think it’s best that you just calm down.” He looked up at the healer, who nodded her agreement.

Hermione looked at him before closing her eyes and nodding. "That was...that was _really_ bloody intense." She moved away and leaned back in the chair, her eyes still closed and her movements weak as if she had just been doing something strenuous. Ron placed his chin on her knee and watched her, his body flooded with relief that everything had seemed to work perfectly, and concern for what would happen because of the same reason. 

The healer then went over Hermione’s head with her wand once, confirming that everything had gone well. She gave Hermione a clean bill of health and then walked out of the room to get the potions.

He stayed still and didn’t speak, knowing that she would tell him if she needed him to do otherwise. She hadn't yet moved, but she smiled then and started stroking his hair slowly with her fingers. "I missed you. I didn't _know_ that I missed you, but I did...so much."

His heart hammered in his chest at her words. "So...your feelings for me, I mean...what do you feel _now_?"

She still hadn't opened her eyes, but she smiled again. "I already told you, you're... _okay."_

He laughed out loud and she opened her eyes and looked at him. "Kiss me."

He quickly stood up, putting his knee on the chair between her legs 

and leaned into her, kissing her softly. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him even further down on top of her. 

Although he had of course enjoyed their previous kisses immensely, this one was different. She _knew_ him, she _knew_ what had happened six years ago, and she was _still_ kissing him. They were full on snogging now, their hands in each other's hair, tasting each other like they were making up for the lost time.

“Let me just let you two know that hospital policy does not permit that kind of behavior.”

They broke away abruptly at the sound of the Healers voice, neither of them having noticed when she had stepped back into the room. Ron immediately jumped off of Hermione and stood up next to the chair, both of them embarrassed and muttering their apologies to the smirking woman.

The older lady chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. I just had to let you know that you were no longer alone.” She then turned her head directly to Hermione. “I just need you to take these two potions, and then you two are free to leave and continue your...relations.” She then winked at them, turning to leave.

Hermione looked absolutely mortified by this and it was taking all of Ron’s self control not to burst into hysterical laughter at the look on her face. She sensed his struggle and pinched him on his outer thigh, causing a small unflattering noise to emit from his mouth before he spoke, still grinning.

“So. Are you ready to face everyone?” She had already downed the potions and his hand stretched down towards her to apparate them back to the Potter’s house.

She gave him a small shake of her head. “I was thinking...I mean we’ve been gone for what, only twenty minutes?”

“Um...about, yeah.”

“Well we told Ginny we would probably be several hours, so she isn't expecting us quite yet.”

He shrugged. “So...?”

She sighed. “Do I have to spell it out for you Ronald?”

He stared hard at her. “Well apparently so. You’re right back to being your barmy self, always expecting me to know what’s going on in that giant brain of yours.”

She stood up and stepped closer to him. “I was _thinking_ we could go to your place. Just for an hour or so, spend some time alone before I have to go back and explain everything to a bunch of curious Weasleys.” She grinned but her eyes were roaming over him in a way that made him feel as if he were completely starkers.

“Bloody hell.” He wrapped his arms around her and a second later, they appeared in his bedroom with a ‘pop’.

“Stay right here.” he told her as he watched her take in the messy bedroom with a look of disapproval. He chuckled and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

“Oi Angelina!” He yelled. He knew George would be at the store, but wasn’t sure about Angelina and Fred Jr. All of the lights were off and the flat was silent. He walked to their bedroom door that was slightly cracked open and peeked inside. No one was in there, Angelina definitely wasn't home.

He turned and hurried back to his room to find Hermione laying on his now-made bed, looking up at the ceiling. “Now _there’s_ a sight that I could get used to.” He smiled, shutting his door, locking and silencing it just in case before slowly walking towards her.

“Me? Or your bed?”

“You _on_ my bed.” He reached the bed and leaned down to kiss her before breaking away. “How are you feeling about everything...really?” He asked, leaning his forehead to hers.

“I feel...whole again. Yes, bad things happened, and I’m not going to lie, they still hurt but-” She lifted her hands to show him that they were perfectly still. “I _remember_ ...but now from this new perspective... I _know_ that everything is going to be ok.” She pulled his head down to kiss him softly. “Because I have _you_.”

“Marry me.” He blurted.

She raised her eyebrows. “Is that a proposal?”

He furrowed his brows. “Well...no. You deserve a _real_ proposal...and a ring..and all the other girly stuff birds dream about.” She laughed as he went on. “But I was serious. I _do_ want to marry you. Always have. I would have _never_ married anyone else Hermione, not in a million years.”

She moved her body to the side to make room for him and he laid down next to her, both of them facing each other.

“Ron...how many women have you had in this bed?” She asked uncertainly.

He leaned in and gave her a small kiss. “As of today..only one. You.”

Her eyes widened. “Really?” 

“Yes.” He kissed her again. “I’ve never brought anyone home. And Hermione, I _need_ you to know that none of those women that I have been with meant _anything_ to me. They never did. My whole bloody life, it’s always _only_ been you. I was lonely and miserable and hated my life when I made those decisions. I was never even _sober_ when I was with any of them for fuck’s sake! It was like...I needed alcohol to be with anyone who wasn’t you.” 

She smiled sadly at him as she started scooting closer. “I believe you. And also...when you do properly ask me to marry you...not that I need anything lavish of course...I’ll say yes. I love you Ron... _so much._ ”

He closed his eyes. “I’m so _fucking_ _happy_ that you’re here Hermione. You’re here, and you’re telling me that you love me, and that you want to be with me. My god I swear it’s just some damn amazing dream that I’m going to wake up from.”

She stroked his jawline. “It’s _real_ . And I _do_ love you, and do want to be with you. I never want to be away from you ever again. Been there, done that.” He opened his eyes and saw her eyes start to water. “And Ron I’m _so_ sorry that I left. I should have stayed. I should have fought for us. I was a coward when I should have been brave and-”

He broke her off with a kiss. “There’s no point in this conversation Hermione.” he said softly. “We went through something horribly traumatic. I’ve _never_ blamed you for leaving and you are _not_ a coward. Hell, you even tried to make sure that we would be okay before you left! That in itself was brave. You’re fucking amazing..and the way that you have raised that little girl on your own? Absolutely _incredible_ . But you won’t ever have to do anything alone ever again, because you’re right, you do have me, and you always will. So please don’t apologize anymore love, you’re here now and that’s what matters.” He kissed her again before going on. “And in case you have forgotten, I don't take anyone insulting you very well...even if it is _you_ doing it.”

She laughed, wiping her wet eyes before leaning into him and kissing him deeply. He responded vigorously, pulling her body on top of his, running his hands over her back.

It was like something had ignited and they started rolling around the bed, desperately clutching at each other. The blanket and top sheet got tangled up around them quickly, limiting their movements. Ron sat back and ripped them off of the bed, throwing them impatiently to the floor before returning his body to hers. 

Soon, their clothes were done away with in much the same manner and he was able to marvel at the beautiful woman beneath him as he had never done before. He studied a few small stretch marks on her lower belly that she had obviously gotten from her pregnancy with Rose. Reverently he lowered his head to them and kissed them softly, his hands stroking the sides of her waist. Achingly slow, he kissed his way lower until his head was between her legs. Her legs were now trembling with what he hoped was anticipation as he looked up at her then and caught her eye. She was looking at him as if he were the most incredible sight that she had ever seen, her brown eyes darkened with lust, making them look almost black. He flicked his tongue out quickly to lick her and garner her reaction and her head immediately flew back into the pillow as she let out a moan of pleasure. Spurred on by this, he started expertly working on her with his tongue, soon adding his fingers as she desperately gripped the sheets beneath her fingers and moaning out his name. 

It didn’t take long before he felt her whole body tense up before shuddering around his fingers, her body arching upwards as she cried out nonsensical words.

When it was clear that she was done, he kissed his way back up her body until he again captured her lips with his. They rolled around some more before she sat up on her knees as he followed, leaning his head down and putting one nipple in his mouth as his hand played with the other. 

She moaned as she slowly pushed him backwards with her body until he was sitting with his back against his padded headboard, and her body was hovering over him. She seemed unsure then and he softly ran his hands up and down her sides, leaning down to kiss her between her belly button and her ribcage.

“Hermione, we don't have to do this yet. We have time now. I’ll wait for you. Whenever you’re rea-”

She violently shook her head, cutting him off. “No Ron. I want this. I want _you.”_

He leaned up to passionately kiss her before sitting back down, and with his hands firmly but gently grasped onto her waist, he helped her as she lowered herself. He moaned and she lightly gasped as she slowly sank all of the way down onto him. When he was buried inside of her, he leaned his head back and looked up to check on her. Her hands were on his shoulders and her eyes were closed as if in deep concentration, her body slightly trembling. 

He opened his mouth to ask if she was ok but she spoke first. “I’m fine Ron...these are good trembles.” She reassured him and with that she slowly started to move on top of him, his hands still gripping her waist, helping her body slowly rise and fall. 

Watching her on him like this, he was completely overwhelmed and he felt the need to let her know just how much he loved her. He started kissing every part of her in front of him as she slowly rode him. He kissed her ribs, her breasts, her collarbone...anywhere he could reach. “Iloveyou. Iloveyou. Iloveyou. _I fucking love you Hermione Granger.”_ and she gasped loudly as he then thrust hard up into her when she was coming down on him before doing it again.

“Rooon...” She moaned, her head rolling back as they continued like this. She felt so fucking good and he knew he was getting close, so he reached down and started rubbing her clit with his fingers. It didn't take long before she hit her climax and shuddered violently on top of him as she cried out for the second time. He continued his rhythm until she was done before he too went over the edge, screaming as he emptied himself inside of her. 

Together, they fell sideways, panting. He pulled her close and continued to pepper small kisses on the side of her face. While doing this, he realized that she had started crying. He sat up, concerned.

“Hey. What are those tears for?”

She sniffed. “Don't worry, I’m fine. More than fine actually. It’s all just so overwhelming...with my memories, the way I feel about you, _this.”_ She gestured her hand over their naked bodies. “I finally feel like I’m where I belong...I had forgotten what that felt like.”

He hugged her again before she rolled over and got out of bed and started to pick her clothes up off of the floor. He lifted himself up on his elbow, and shamelessly ogled her as she did this. It took her a few long seconds to realize what he was doing before her eyes widened and she started to blush. 

“How are you so bloody perfect?” He asked her as his eyes traveled over her, his eyebrows raised.

“I’d hardly use _that_ word Ronald.” She picked up the sheet off of the floor and covered her body with it as he smirked at her.

He reached his hand. “Come here.”

He watched as she bit her lip when she noticed that he was hard again. She took his hand and allowed herself to be pulled back into the bed, and laid down beside him.

He slowly crawled on top of her and again they were kissing passionately. He heard her whimper as she lifted her hips to his, letting him know exactly what she wanted.

He swiftly entered her then, both of them moaning when he was in her up to the hilt, completely and deliciously surrounded. He grasped both of her hands with his and lifted them above her head as he started to thrust into her rhythmically while he deeply kissed her.

She urged him faster until they were both panting, moans and soothing words of love coming from both of them before they blissfully came undone together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments encouraged! especially on this chapter because I loved writing it :)


	11. Chapter 11

Hand in hand, Ron and Hermione walked up the steps of Grimmauld place and quietly stepped inside. They walked into the living room and were greeted by the sight of Rose coloring in a coloring book on the coffee table while baby James slept in his swing beside her.

She looked up and grinned at them as they entered. “Aunt Ginny gave me these crayons. They’re  _ magic _ ! They slowly change colors after you finish the picture!” 

Hermione bent down and took Rose’s face in her hands, her eyes welling up with tears. “Hi sweetie. You know that I love you  _ very very _ much?”

Rose nodded. “I know, but why are you crying?”

“These are happy tears Rose. I’m just happy that we are back home...Happy to be back with Ro-...Daddy.”

Ron bent down next to Hermione. “I love you too Rose, and am  _ so _ happy that both of you are here.”

Rose grinned again before crinkling her nose in confusion and looking at Hermione. “You talk like Daddy now?”

Hermione laughed and nodded. “I do.”

Rose looked slightly sad.“Well I want to talk like that too.”

“Well, practice makes perfect!” Ron chirped and she smiled. 

“I’ll practice then!” She said brightly before her face clouded over. “There’s a man here and I dont think he likes me.”

“What?” Ron gasped, immediately drawing his wand out of his pocket. “What does he look like? Where is your Aunt Ginny?” His eyes scanned the room.

Rose shrugged. He has ginger hair like us and him and Aunt Ginny went into the kitchen to talk.”

Ron let out a sigh of relief as he re-pocketed his wand. Obviously it was a family member of his...but who?

“Why do you think the man doesnt like you?” he asked Rose gently. 

“Well he walked in and stared at me funny. And then he told Aunt Ginny that he needed to talk to her, alone. So they went into the kitchen and...I guess they’re talking now.” Bored of the conversation, she turned her attention back to her paper and again started coloring.

Ron grabbed Hermione’s hand and wordlessly they headed towards the kitchen. The door was shut and Ron leaned his ear against it, listening.

He immediately heard Bill’s agitated voice.

“You need to tell me the truth Gin. Mum’s a worried mess, and is going to absolutely flip shite when she finds out Ron has a  _ child _ .”

“I  _ told  _ you Bill. Ron should be here shortly and he can explain it to you. It’s not my business to tell.” Ron could practically picture Ginny standing there with her arms crossed.

“That girl in there is undoubtedly Ron’s _ ,  _ she’s his clone _ … _ so who the hell did the bloody irresponsible git knock up?”

“I’m  _ not _ denying that she’s Ron’s, Bill.” Ginny sounded exhasperated. “But the matter of her _ mother _ needs to be explained by  _ Ron _ .” 

With that, Ron threw the door open and stepped into the kitchen. 

Bill quickly turned towards him, his face growing stern as he stuck his finger out at him. “You!” He walked towards him. “Do you have  _ any _ idea what you are putting this family throu-” He abruptly stopped, his eyes taking in the sight of Hermione as she moved and stood by Ron’s side.

“Hello Bill.” She gave him a small smile.

“You remember now!” Ginny squealed and when Hermione nodded she jumped and gave her a hug.

Ron watched as Bill’s eyes widened in realization and was rendered speechless as he took a couple steps back and sank into a kitchen chair. 

“Oh.” he muttered.

Ron chuckled. “Bloody irresponsible git eh?” he asked, arching his eyebrow.

Bill gave him his own small chuckle. “Well. Still are...just for different reasons.”

Bill stood then and gingerly pulled Hermione in a hug that she returned. “It’s good to see you Hermione.”

They all then sat down and both Hermione and Ron explained everything to Bill as Ginny went and checked on Rose and James. 

When everything had been said, Bill stretched out his arms and cracked his knuckles. 

“Woah. Well...sorry but you’re going to have to retell all of that tonight at The Burrow...Ron, your presence is mandatory. That’s why I’m here actually..when Mum heard that you were back and that you were here, she sent me to check up on you and demand that you be at dinner tonight.

Ron nodded. “Great. We can catch everyone up...is everyone coming?”

Bill nodded. “Even Charlie is down for the week.”

“Boy everyone is in for a surprise.” He looked at Hermione, concerned. “Is all of this moving too fast for you love?”

She shook her head slowly. “Yes..but it’s okay. I’m excited to see everyone.”

“Ok.” Ron grinned. “Let’s do this!”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mrs. Weasley had made it quite clear that everyone was to be there by 6:00 sharp but it was 6:07 when Harry opened the front door of The Burrow and let Ginny enter first, carrying baby James in her arms. Harry stepped in then and wiped his feet on the welcome mat before shutting the door quietly as he could behind him. He and Ginny both heard and watched as Mrs. Weasley rounded the corner, her hands on her hips, her body language letting on that she was highly agitated. 

“Why are you late and where is Ronald? And Bill?”

“They’re coming shortly.” Harry answered quickly. “Ron wants everyone to gather in the living room first...he has an announcement to make.”

“Yeah well it better be a damn good one to excuse him from missing work.” George grumbled loudly, walking in from the kitchen.

Mrs. Weasley raised her eyebrows. “Harry. Ginerva. What is this about?” She asked sternly.

Ginny smirked at her as James started fussing and she adjusted her top to feed him. “You’re just going to have to wait and see like everyone else Mum.”

Mrs. Weasley gave a huff of annoyance as she turned around and called the others into the living room. 

When everyone had grudgingly taken a seat, Harry pulled out his wand and conjured up his patronus. “Ok. Everyone’s here.”

Only a few seconds after Harry’s stag had dissapeared, Ron opened the door and stepped in, closing it behind him with a smile on his face.

“Tosser!” George yelled.

“Git!” added Charlie.

The rest of his family just stared at him in anticipation of what he had to say.

“My dearest family.” he started out dramatically, earning a snort and an eyeroll from Ginny. “As the handsomest Weasley brother, I-”

“M’zorry Ronald, but zat title belongs to Beel.” Fleur cut in, letting out a small tinkery laugh.

“That, dear sister in law, is a matter of  _ opinion. _ ” He said with a wink towards her as his family exchanged confused glances at his unusually giddy behavior as he went on. “I’m well aware that you all are more than a  _ little  _ annoyed with me-”

“Here, here!” George shouted, raising his glass of tea in the air.

“-for leaving so mysteriously, but I hope that what I have to show you will more than make up for my absence because I come bearing gifts!” He finished with a flourish of his arm, looking at the blank faces of his family. “Not  _ one _ smile?” He huffed. “Fine. I’ll just have to show you.” He turned around to the closed door and gave it a few hard knocks. The door opened slowly and Ron reached his hand out and pulled Hermione into the house.

The air was filled with absolute silence, everyone staring unblinkingly at the sight in front of them.

Hermione picked up her hand and gave a slow wave. “Hello.”

The room erupted then in loud shouts and questions, everyone excitedly talking at once and getting up to hug their long lost friend.

Although Hermione was hugging all of the members of the Weasley family, Ron had taken hold of her hand and didn’t let go, even allowing himself to be pulled into hugs as well. 

There were lots of tears and Ron was so thankful that there was neither anger nor judgement towards Hermione from anyone, only overwhelming love and care between them all.

“Ok everyone!” Ron shouted above the now drowning noise in the small space. Did you not remember I said that I come bearing  _ gifts?  _ Hermione here is only one of  _ two _ gifts.”

He then ordered everyone to sit down and get quiet again before he opened the front door and stuck his head out. “Oi Bill!” he shouted.

Half a minute later, Bill walked inside the house holding Rose’s hand. Ron promptly bent down and picked her up as she stared in wonderment at all of the ginger-headed people in the room.

Again the room was completely silent except for a few gasps and Mrs. Weasley, who let out a cry as she collapsed onto an armchair, her eyes watering and her hand covering her mouth. Mr. Weasley reassuringly grabbed onto her shoulder while standing next to her, his eyes also full of tears.

“This is Rose.” said Ron softly. “She’s our daughter.”

*Two months later*

Hermione walked into their new home from having a nice visit with her parents. Her parents had regained their memories and had moved back into their old house in London and their transition back had been as easy as could be expected given the circumstances and the amount of time lost, but things were finally looking up as far as their now semi-rocky relationship. 

“Hellooo.” she called out, not seeing Ron or Rose.

“In here!” She heard Ron shout from the kitchen and she smiled as she followed the sound of his voice.

Rose was sitting on the counter watching as Ron levitated dishes one by one into the correct cabinets, and as Hermione walked further into the room, she was greeted by both of their smiles. 

“Hey sweetie!” She exclaimed as she grabbed Rose’s head and planted a loud kiss between her eyes, before turning and grabbing Ron and pulling him down for a kiss.

“Someone’s in a good mood.” Ron said, his eyebrow arched as he looked at her.

She ignored him. “So you two have been hard at work I see.” she said, absentmindedly eyeing the several large empty boxes on the floor. 

“Daddy taught me how to pronounce Wingardium Le-vi-o-sa.” Said Rose happily.

Hermione almost burst into a laughing fit at the self-satisfied smirk on Ron’s face. “Oh he did, did he? I’m sure you learned faster than he did.” She said slyly as Ron chuckled.

“Actually…” Hermione continued. “Ronald, I need a private word.”

“Uh oh. Daddy’s in trouble.” Ron said in a mock-scared voice as Rose laughed.

Together, she and Ron walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Ron spun around then and grabbed her, pulling her to him and kissing her all over her face.

“Missed you.” He smiled, still attacking her face with kisses.

“I was gone a few  _ hours _ , Ron.”

He gave her a lopsided grin. “I missed you in those hours though.”

She rolled her eyes and stepped back from him. “When I was out, I stopped and got a test…”

“What kind of te-”

“And I’m pregnant.”

She watched his face for his reaction. He stared at her blankly for a few seconds before his eyes widened.

“You  _ are _ ?” He said incredulously. “But the charm…”

“Well..” She said slowly, getting more nervous.“We  _ have  _ been careful, except- except for the day that I got my memories back that is.”

“ _ That  _ long ago?” he glanced at her middle if he expected her to be about to pop.”

She laughed. “My uterus is barely popping out from behind my pubic bone at this point Ron, I’ll probably start showing soon though…”

“Your  _ what?”  _ He said, befuddled.

“Oh, nevermind.” She waved her hand dismissively. “So…” she trailed off, rocking back and forth on the heels of her feet.

“So there’s a baby in you.” He stated, his eyes moving from her belly to her face.

“A very small one, yes.” she confirmed.

A small grin appeared on his face and it grew wider and wider until he was absolutely beaming. “This is great, Hermione!”

“Really? You're happy? I was nervous about how you would-”

He grabbed the sides of her face and planted a kiss on her lips. “  _ Happy _ ? Hermione I’m happier now than I have ever been in my whole  _ life. _ This will just add to that.” He shrugged.

Hermione couldn’t help from tears welling up in her eyes at his words.

Ron looked suddenly nervous. “What about Rose? What if she thinks that we are..replacing her or something?”

Hermione shook her head. “No, I think she will be excited. You see the way she is with James...she’ll be ecstatic.

Ron sighed with relief, his smile coming back. “You're right, I think she will be.”

Together they walked back into the kitchen. 

“Rose, we have something to tell you.” started Hermione.

The girl turned to them, waiting patiently.

“You’re going to be a big sister!” Ron blurted, unable to keep it in. 

Rose screamed before jumping up and hugging both of their legs. “Yay! I’ve always wanted a baby sister!...or brother.” she added.

“Let’s go out to eat tonight. Wherever you two want.” Ron said happily.

“Ronald Weasley, you are such a sucker.” laughed Hermione. 

As they headed out the door, Hermione once again had the feeling of elation that she was herself again, and that she now had even more than she had ever wanted. She knew that life wasn’t all happiness and bliss, but she soaked up every moment of it.

*Approximately seven months later*

Hermione smiled at the sight of Ron holding their hour old son for the first time. They were at St. Mungo’s after a very quick labor as they had barely managed to get there in time before the baby had been born.

“He’s so  _ tiny _ .” Ron mused, kissing the baby on the top of his head. “Hugo. I can’t wait to take you to your first Chudley Cannons game. I took your sister to a game a few months ago, and now she’s a lifelong fan.”

Hermione rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress a smile. “ _ That’s _ the first thing you say to your son? Something about quidditch?”

Ron shrugged. “It’s important.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “You did amazing love.”

She sighed and leaned back onto the reclined bed, closing her eyes. “Only because you were here with me.”

Just then a healer walked in with a clipboard. “Good afternoon! You have some visitors waiting just outside, but there’s a few things I need to go over first.”

She asked Hermione a few questions and checked her over, making sure that everything was okay before looking again at her clipboard. “There’s one last thing. Although it’s uncommon in this country, we do offer in-hospital circumcisions in case there’s a religious reasoning.”

Ron’s eyes widened in horror as he pulled Hugo towards his chest as if to protect him. “Absolutely not.” he said firmly. He looked down at the baby, “Don’t worry Hugo, I won’t let anyone cut part of it off.”

The healer chuckled, checking a box on the clipboard. “So that’s a no then.” She walked over to the door. “I’ll let you visit with the rest of the family now, they seemed quite impatient.”

She walked out and in rushed Rose, followed by Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and then Harry and Ginny.

“Let me see him, let me see!” Rose cried, as Ron bent down and showed Hugo to her. 

“He’s so small!” she whispered, not wanting to wake him up.

“He’ll grow.” Ron chuckled. 

“Oh Ronnie he’s so beautiful.” gushed Mrs. Weasley as Harry clapped his hand on Ron’s back.

Ginny pulled Hermione’s head in for a small hug. “He’s so cute Hermione...even if he  _ does  _ look like Ron.”

Hermione smiled. “It’s those Weasley genes.” She watched as Ron held Hugo while talking quietly to Rose. “But that’s okay, I love it that way.” she said softly.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of this story! Please let me know how you feel about it, good or bad!
> 
> I’m working on three other fics so keep your eyes out for them!
> 
> (Wingardium leviosa idea credit to JonRiptide ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!!


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